Walter Skinner emerged from the sparkling lake and shook himself vigorously, ignoring his sunbathing lover Alex Krycek's protests at the droplets of water splashing his well oiled skin.

"Come on, Alex," Walter coaxed. "Just for a little while."

Alex stared at Walter mutinously.

"No," he said. "I'm not going to go in there." He rolled onto his stomach, rearranged himself so that the sun wouldn't miss an inch of tanning skin. Walter rolled his eyes.

"Alex, come in and cool down a little. This isn't a request anymore, Alex. Come on." Alex got to his feet, ignoring Walter's proffered hand.

Walter wondered why Alex hadn't mentioned, before they chose a vacation cabin on a lake, that he despised swimming. On second thought, he should have anticipated it. Alex was skittish around water. Walter remembered how long it had taken to get Alex to admit that soaking in a warm bath was pleasure, not punishment. How anxious Alex had been about having his hair washed, how afraid of having his face submerged in the water. Slowly images began to coalesce in Walter's mind. He suspected Alex had been tortured by having his head held under water. Not for the first time, Walter cursed the Consortium for the myriad ways in which it had scarred his lover.

Jesus, the fucking lake was cold, Alex thought to himself, wading in reluctantly. Walter was right, of course, it was too hot to lounge in the sun without cooling down, but this was like being bathed in ice water. He flinched. Not going there, he reminded himself.

Walter watched as Alex used his good hand to wet his torso, smiling a little at the water glistening over the finely sculpted muscles. With a quick, sure stroke he swam underwater to Alex, surfacing in front of him. Alex started, then smiled.

"Walter!" he said, grinning with astonishment. He laughed with genuine enjoyment. "You're a fucking dolphin."

"Want to swim across, Alex?" Walter asked, gesturing to the opposite shore of the small lake. Alex hesitated a moment.

"Maybe later, Walter," he said softly, his smile fading. He hunched his shoulders.

"I'm still not sure how to manage with this," he said, his chin jerking sideways towards his amputated arm. Walter nodded his understanding.

"Does the water bother it, Alex? I know it's cold."

"Nah. I just can't balance right. I'll work it out. It's just..." he shrugged. "I'm mostly used to it, you know? But sometimes, when I do something different, it's hard. I'm all right." Alex hated explaining himself. Walter gave him a hug, letting his hips press against Alex's.

"It's OK, Alex, it's OK." Walter knew sex was the strongest comfort for Alex. He ground his pelvis into Alex, felt Alex harden immediately.

"Let's take a nap before dinner, OK?" Walter whispered softly. Alex's eyes were already glazing over with anticipated pleasure.

The combination of mountain air and leisurely lovemaking proved an effective soporific. Walter made sandwiches for dinner, as both he and Alex were too content and well loved to bother dressing for a meal out. Snuggled in each other's arms, they drifted off to sleep to the sound of the wind in the pines.

Walter awoke at dawn to find Alex missing. He knew instantly in his gut where Alex was. Swimming the lake, no doubt. All alone, unsure of how to use his amputated arm and unwilling for Walter to observe his weakness. Even as he cursed to himself, Walter understood. Entirely predictable. Typical of Alex. The sort of stupidity spanking had been invented as a cure for.

He reached the shore just as Alex was emerging shakily from the water, badly winded.

"You swam across the lake, didn't you Alex," Walter said accusingly. Alex nodded, his body bent forward, good arm braced on his knees. Trying to catch his breath.

"How stupid was that, Alex?" Walter asked. Alex just looked at him, his breathing labored.

"I know, Walter," he finally gasped. "Just not now, OK? Please?" Walter hugged Alex hard.

"Stupid," he crooned, rubbing his shoulders gently, "Stupid, stupid, stupid." Relief in each repetition of the word. He kissed Alex's hair gently. Alex let his head fall forward onto Walter's chest. Took in the warm, familiar scent of his lover. Sighed unhappily.

"I guess I couldn't just tell you how sorry I am?" he asked softly. Walter rubbed Alex's back tenderly. They walked back up to the cabin.

"Let's talk about it, Alex. You tell me what you think is fair," Walter said.

"You put me to bed, fuck me, let me sleep in and bring me breakfast," Alex said wistfully. Walter laughed.

"The idea, Alex, is to discourage you from doing stupid things. Not reward you," Walter said. Alex sighed again.

"It would be nice," Alex said. "I shouldn't have to be spanked on vacation." He tilted his head and looked appealingly at Walter.

"OK, Alex," Walter said quietly. "We'll do it your way." Walter gestured towards the bedroom. Alex looked at him as if he'd lost his mind, not liking being teased when he felt this vulnerable.

"No, Alex, I'm not kidding. Get undressed and get under the covers. I'd rather fuck you than spank you any day, you know that. It's my vacation, too." Walter rose, took a quick step forward, seized Alex's good arm firmly and walked him into the bedroom, maneuvering him face down onto the bed. Walter placed one hand at the small of Alex's back and used the other to strip off Alex's swim trunks.

"You're mean, Walter," Alex protested unhappily, still not sure whether to expect pleasure or punishment. Walter shook his head. Alex was never easy to read. As much as he resisted being punished, he always seemed equally unnerved by Walter's letting him off the hook.

"Shh, Alex, I told you, I'm not going to spank you. I'm cutting you some slack because you're right, we are on vacation," Walter explained gently. "But next time you take chances around water, vacation or no, you're going to be sleeping on your stomach." Efficiently Walter slipped his own shirt and jeans off, followed by his boxers. Rolled Alex over and flopped himself face down beside him. Propped himself on his elbows.

Alex eyed Walter from under lowered lashes, his expression clearly suggesting he believed Walter had taken leave of his senses. He had not expected Walter to give him a second chance.

Walter reached across and smoothed Alex's hair gently back from his forehead. Rubbed Alex's cheeks and chin with the flat of his hand, smiled as Alex leaned into his caress like a cat being stroked. Taking Alex's chin gently between his thumb and fingers, Walter kissed him fully and deeply. Alex tilted his head back obligingly; moaned with pleasure as Walter's tongue explored his mouth. His eyes were closed when Walter leaned back onto his elbows.

With the sureness of experience, Walter ran his hand firmly over Alex's chest, gently over the peaking nipples. Trailed his fingers down the center of chest, ribs and stomach. Massaged the taut belly, using the heel of his hand to press into the tender spots which, predictably enough, made Alex arch his back and squirm with mingled pleasure and resistance. Concentrated his attentions on the tight balls in their wrinkled sack. Played gently with them, enjoying Alex's whimpers and hisses. He grasped Alex's cock, leaned over, and bathed the head with his tongue. Began very slowly to caress the hard cock. Trailed a finger slowly over the hidden place between Alex's thighs, behind his balls and before his anus, and almost laughed as Alex's hips thrust forward, desperate for more stimulation. Nudged Alex's legs apart and began to nuzzle the tender spot. Used two hands to hold Alex splayed and still as he worked his tongue over the crinkled opening, pressed it into the flickering hole.

"No, Walter, no..." Alex moaned, but it was a token protest. Walter wet his fingertip, used its fleshy pad to press along the outer edge of the muscled ring. Alex squirmed, trying for more contact.

"Please, Walter, please..." he begged, "I need you inside me, please, more, take me now." Walter loved Alex like this, relaxed, trusting, receptive. He reached for the lube by the bedside, still uncapped from the night before, took a generous amount in his palm. Dipping his middle and index fingers into the gel, he massaged Alex's slowly dilating anus gently. When he judged Alex was ready, he pressed his well-lubed index finger slowly into the willing opening. Alex groaned deep in his throat, tilting his hips for better access and pulling his knees up, heels still pressed against the bed. Walter drew his finger out, added more lubricant, and slowly worked both index and middle fingers deep into Alex's ass. He made gentle spirals on the inside walls, feeling Alex's muscles flex and loosen as he probed the sensitive spots.

"More, Walter, more fingers," Alex moaned. Walter studied the nude man in front of him. Usually they switched to his cock at this point. Carefully, always aware of just how many triggers sex held for Alex, unsure what Alex's reaction to certain kinds of stimulation might be, Walter eased his two fingers out slightly, used his other hand to add more lube. Stroked his thumb through the lubricant, used it to coat his ring finger, running his thumb carefully over the other finger's nail, making sure there was no roughness to catch or abrade. Brought tips of ring and index finger together, pressed into Alex's tight anus. Walter's every sense was attuned to Alex's reaction, heedless of his own erection hard against his thighs.

Alex moaned, loving the hard feel of Walter's fingers in his ass. It felt entirely different than Walter's cock. He felt more controlled, more dominated. Something he needed. He had been serious at discouraging Walter from spanking him. But here, at the fine edge of pleasure and pain, he was quite literally being possessed as deeply as he craved.

"Yes, Walter, yes," Alex breathed, "More please. More fingers. I can take more." Walter bit his lip uncertainly. He didn't find this unpleasant, but he was worried about Alex's sudden appetite for this sort of penetration.

"OK, Alex, OK," Walter said softly. "You can have as much as you need. Just tell me, does it feel good? Alex?"

"Yes, Walter, oh shit, yes," Alex begged. "It's good, it's so so so good. More." Walter grinned at the desperation in Alex's tone.

"OK, OK," he soothed. "Just checking. Easy, that's it, relax, open for me." He slicked lubricant over his pinkie and knuckles, worked his hand deeper into Alex's ass. There was something intensely erotic about having this kind of control over his lover, about watching Alex's body widen to admit him. About the trust Alex was displaying.

"Is that everything, Walter?" Alex asked in a whisper.

"Everything but my thumb, Alex," Walter said gently. Alex moaned.

"Put your hand in me," he begged. "Your whole hand. Please Walter, I want to feel your hand inside me." Walter hesitated.

"Please," Alex begged, "I need this, I need this now." Walter rubbed Alex's belly gently.

"You sure, Alex?" he asked. "I won't hurt you, but are you sure?"

"Yes, yes, yes," Alex moaned. Walter took the tube of lubricant and squeezed a long strip over his half-buried hand. Put the tube aside, used his free hand to spread the lubricant over every inch of hand not yet in Alex's ass. Tucked his thumb into the palm of his hand.

"Breathe for me, Alex," Walter said quietly, carefully pressing inwards. "That's it, breathe, you have to breathe, Alex. It's OK, we're getting there, lie quietly now. Just breathe." He watched the tip of his thumb slip inside Alex, then felt the tight contractions against his knuckles as Alex's anus tightened against the intrusion. Remained still as Alex's muscles continued to tense, then finally, to relax. With exquisite care he pressed forward, letting his fingertips curl back into a loose fist. Alex felt wonderful, incredibly hot and tight. With very little effort, Walter found himself sheathed to the wrist. He marveled at the view. Hell of a thing to do to someone you love, he thought. He had not realized Alex was comfortable with this level of sensation.

"All the way in, Alex. How does that feel? " Walter asked. Alex licked his lips.

"I'm yours, Walter, right?" Alex groaned hoarsely, deep in his chest. "All yours?"

"All mine, Alex, all mine," Walter assured him. "Mine forever. Shh, Alex, it's all right." Began very slowly to rock his hand, to spread and contract his fingers deep inside Alex, alert to any sign or sound of pain from Alex. Was not surprised at how quickly Alex came, his cum shooting over belly and chest and sheets.

"Good?" Walter asked. Alex could barely moan. Walter waited for the inevitable aftershocks, using the muscles' natural contractions to slip his hand out. "Hold me, Walter," Alex begged. "Please, Walter, I love you, tell me I'm not bad, tell me I'm yours.' Walter pulled Alex into his arms, wrapped his legs around Alex's legs, snuggling him as close as was humanly possible. Kissed the willing mouth, stroked the heavy black hair.

"You're good, Alex, you're very, very good, and you're all mine. I love you so much, Alex. Good Alex. My Alex. Shh, I know, it's very intense. I love you Alex. My good Alex. You're all mine." Walter sensed how badly Alex needed to be assured of his love, of his commitment, of his respect. He hoped Alex would be able to take in his words as fully as he meant them. To his enormous relief, Alex smiled.

"How do you feel, Alex?" Walter asked very quietly. Alex licked his lips, his eyes hazy with endorphins.

"Fucked. Ouch," he said succinctly. He looked utterly happy. "You pay for your pleasure, I guess. It was worth it."

"It was pleasure, wasn't it, Alex?" Walter asked. Alex nodded yes, smiling, even as his eyes closed in blissed out sleep.

The afternoon passed in a lazy haze of affectionate cuddles. Walter noticed how close Alex stayed to him, seeming to need enormous amounts of stroking and affection. Alex wanted only to curl up in bed with Walter and luxuriate in the sensations of being kissed and well loved. Walter guessed the experience had left Alex feeling very vulnerable. He was happy to fuss over Alex, who made more frequent than usual trips to the bathroom, but seemed otherwise none the worse for the wear.

"Eat lightly today, OK?" Walter said. "I'll take you somewhere nice for dinner tomorrow, just take it a little easy for now till we see how you're feeling." Alex nodded, smiled ruefully, and snuggled closer.

"I love you, Walter," Alex said, curling around to place his mouth on Walter. "Let me show you." He worked his tongue the length of Walter's suddenly hard cock, tracing the swollen veins, nibbling the ridge between head and shaft. Walter groaned in appreciation and Alex widened his mouth and covered Walter's cock, grinding it between tongue and palate. He moved rhythmically over the shaft, not allowing Walter a moment of respite. With a strangled shout, Walter came, hard, into that willing mouth. Cum spilled over Alex's lips and chin. He rubbed his face against the sheets, then returned to the pillows and kissed Walter soundly.

"Love you, Walter," he said. Then, musingly, "You wouldn't think I'd still be hungry, but..."

"You are," Walter completed the sentence. "Come on, get dressed, there's a diner down the road. Let's get some country cooking. Nothing too heavy," he cautioned.

Fortunately, the diner had booths. Alex folded himself into one corner, semi-reclining.

"Sore?" Walter asked very quietly. Alex shook his head no.

"Not really. A little tender, maybe," he replied. He smiled almost shyly. "Well worth it. Look, Walter, they have chocolate chip pancakes."

The chocolate chip pancakes proved a good omen. One sweet day blended into another. Cool mornings, sunny afternoons, balmy nights.

The ominous rumble of thunder brought Walter out of his book. He waited quietly for Alex to return from his swim. When he didn't appear, Walter strolled down to the lake. Worriedly searching the water, he saw Alex a good hundred feet out, swimming steadily. Walter beckoned to Alex. Alex ignored him. Walter folded his arms across his chest and glared at Alex, who swam in reluctantly. Walter met him at the water's edge.

"What did I tell you about swimming when there's thunder?" Walter asked, taking Alex by the hand. At Walter's tone, Alex turned and tried to bolt. Walter hung on, wrapping his arm more firmly around his struggling lover.

"Fuck you, Walter, let me go! I don't want to be spanked. Let me go, you sonofabitch, I hate you, Walter, let go of me! I hate our arrangement, I hate being spanked and I'm a fucking asshole for ever agreeing to this!" Alex screamed.

For once, Walter was completely nonplussed. Alex took difficulty to a whole other level. Alex had seemed happy enough the night before. They had had a wonderful dinner. They had come back to the cabin, made love, slept in each other's arms.

The first order of business, Walter decided, was settling Alex down.

"Easy, Alex, easy," Walter said softly. "You know I'm not going to spank you unless you agree. Shh, Alex, it's going to be all right. Talk to me. Tell me where this is coming from."

"I don't want to be spanked," Alex said, his voice dropping. "Not now, not ever. If I want to swim when there's fucking thunder, then I will. Why the fuck do you get to say what I can or can't do?"

Walter smiled. This was going to be easier than he had feared.

"Alex," he said softly. "Until such time as we agree you no longer need to be taken care of, you're mine. My responsibility. When I tell you something, you listen. Alex, you take too many risks. I am not going to let you get hurt. You can get angry with me, you can fight me, but I am not going to let anything or anyone hurt you. Not even you yourself."

He should have recognized the pattern, Walter realized. One step towards closeness, two steps back. Alex's demonstrations of trust and love in bed, followed by disobedience and hysterics.

"Alex, would you agree that swimming in a thunderstorm is dangerous?" Walter asked softly. Alex nodded reluctantly.

"It wasn't a thunderstorm," he said sulkily. "Just thunder. It's probably not even going to--" A loud clap of thunder and the sky opened up.

"Rain! Run!" Walter ordered. They sped for the cabin and cover.

"You were saying, Alex?" Walter teased gently, looking at his soaking wet lover. Alex shivered. Walter quickly fetched a towel and wrapped Alex snugly.

"I'm just going to dry you off," he said gently, seeing the bewilderment in Alex's green eyes.

"I didn't know, Walter," Alex said softly. "I never saw a storm come in that fast." Walter smiled.

"That's the mountains, Alex," he said. "Trust me, I know this area. That's why I told you not to swim if you heard thunder." As if to emphasize his point, a streak of lightning illuminated the sky, followed instantaneously by a crack of thunder and a vicious crash.

"Tree down," Walter said, seeing Alex's widened eyes. He hugged Alex reassuringly. "There's a lightning rod on the roof. We're safe here."

"You're going to spank me," Alex said softly. Walter nodded.

"Swimming when there's thunder, when you were clearly warned it was dangerous...wouldn't you agree?" Walter asked.

"Yeah," Alex said reluctantly. "I hate when you're right, Walter."

"Let's get this over with, Alex," Walter said, pulling a chair out from the table and seating himself.

Alex dropped the towel, pulled off his swim trunks and knelt reluctantly alongside Walter.

"I'm sorry, Walter," he whispered. "Please don't spank me." Walter shook his head.

"This is the second time you've ignored a basic water safety rule, Alex. This lake can be dangerous. Every couple of years someone drowns." Alex stiffened.

"No, Walter, no. Don't say that. Please." Involuntarily, Alex gagged. Walter gritted his teeth. Jesus, punishing Alex was like walking through a minefield. You never knew where the triggers were until you tripped them.

"Breathe, Alex, breathe," he coaxed, rubbing Alex's tense shoulders and back. Alex had gone white.

"I can't, Walter, I can't breathe. Oh shit, I really can't..." Walter shook Alex's shoulder gently.

"Take a deep breath, that's it, I'm here, you're safe now, that's it, you're all right. Breathe, Alex, breathe."

Just for once, I'd like spanking Alex to be simple, Walter thought. A few hard smacks on his rump, a little crying and a little cuddling. No familiar green eyes widening with terror, no beloved mouth gagging down bile.

"Better now, Alex?" Walter asked gently. "Can you tell me what this spanking is for?"

"Fuck the bullshit, spank me already, I don't fucking care what for," Alex said sulkily.

"Stop cursing, Alex," he said. "That kind of language doesn't belong in our relationship. I am spanking you for a reason. I want you to tell me what that reason is."

"Because you know everything and I'm just stupid," Alex said sarcastically. Walter rolled his eyes.

"Alex. How hard I spank you depends partly on your attitude. Now I'm going to ask you again, what is this spanking for?" Walter said, holding on to his temper by a thread.

"For the fucking fun of it, Walter? Because you like having me ass up over your knee?" Alex said, still furiously embarrassed at his previous show of weakness. Walter sighed.

"Get up, Alex, go put some clothes on. I'm not going to spank you when you're this determined to make me angry. You calm down, I'll cool down, and we'll deal with this later." Walter stood up and walked into the bedroom, leaving his naked lover kneeling, astonished, alongside an empty chair.

"No, Walter, wait--" Alex protested. He dropped his head.

"I'm sorry," Alex whispered, almost inaudibly. He stood and went to hunt down his clothes.

The rain beat steadily on the roof. Walter sat in the armchair by the window, immersed in his book. Alex prowled restlessly, unable to shake the feeling that he had been wrong. Very wrong. Finally, with a sigh, Alex seated himself on the floor before Walter, and leaned back against Walter's legs.

"I am sorry, Walter," he said softly. At the change in tone, Walter laid down his book. Alex rested his chin on Walter's knees, his eyes seeking Walter's.

"I'm sorry I acted like a brat, and I'm sorry I didn't listen to you when you warned me not to swim if I heard thunder. I know I need to be punished. I know I deserve to be spanked," Alex said quietly. Walter stroked Alex's hair tenderly back from his forehead.

"All right, Alex," he said. He watched as Alex shifted to his knees, pushed his sweats and boxers down. Arranged himself trustingly over Walter's lap, ass up.

"I do want to be safe, Walter," Alex whispered. "I do want to be good. I do love you, I do respect you. Please, Walter, I want you to take care of me. I'll be good for you, I promise. I just get scared." Walter rubbed Alex's back gently.

"I know, Alex. I know. The next time I tell you to do something, you need to pay attention to me." He eyed the taut buttocks regretfully. It seemed a pity to mar the pale skin, but it had to be done. Steeling himself, he brought his hand down, hard, and continued to rain spanks on the white bottom until it was mottled with red. Heard Alex begin to cry. Continued until the red color was deep and even and Alex's sobs were even deeper.

"All right, Alex, all right," he said softly, rubbing Alex's back soothingly. "All done. All forgiven. Everything's OK now, shh, come here, that's it, come to me now." He eased Alex upright, kept his arm around Alex's waist as he propelled him into the bedroom. Walter seated himself on the bed and tugged Alex into his lap, careful not to put any weight on his recently punished bottom. Turned Alex's head to rest on his chest. Alex's good hand tangled itself in Walter's tee shirt.

"I'm all yours, right Walter?" Alex whispered.

"Mine forever," Walter reassured him. "All mine." He rubbed Alex's shoulders, feeling the tell-tale quivers as Alex cried quietly.

"It's all over now, Alex," Walter said. "You were very brave. It's not an easy thing for you, trusting me to set limits. I'm very, very proud of you." At Walter's praise, Alex cried harder, his sobs no longer muffled. Walter rocked him, not hushing him, knowing how much crying openly cost Alex, and wanting him to know he had a safe space in which to let go.

Walter watched with deep sympathy as the man he loved disintegrated before his eyes.

"They almost drowned me," Alex gasped. "I was so fucking scared..."

He couldn't breathe. The hand at the back of his neck held him under the icy water. He knew he shouldn't breathe, but he had to, he had to. The water clogged his lungs. His head was released and he surfaced, gagging, retching...

Walter stroked Alex's hair gently back from his face. Alex was weak from vomiting. It had taken almost half an hour before the flashback receded completely. Alex's eyes were clouded with bad memories.

"I couldn't breathe," he said in a whisper. "I didn't know the answers. They kept putting me back into that fucking tank of water and I couldn't breathe..." Alex's voice rose in terror.

"Enough now," Walter said firmly, sensing Alex needed him to step in, to help ground him in the present.

"You're safe now. I've got you. I won't let anything bad happen to you. You're safe with me." Alex nodded gratefully.

"I love you, Walter. I just fucking hate being scared," Alex said softly. Walter was silent for a moment, not sure how far to push Alex. "Alex, putting yourself in danger isn't going to stop you being scared," Walter said gently. "Nothing's going to change the past, especially not acting it out over and over. I know you don't want to think about any of it, but you can't pretend it never happened. What you're doing isn't working, Alex. Endangering yourself over and over isn't an option anymore. You need to find another way to cope with your memories, with your feelings. I recommend talking. I'll always listen, Alex. You didn't do anything wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of. What they did to you was not your fault."

Alex began to cry, but it was good crying, long overdue. Safe in Walter's arms, he let go, knowing Walter would catch him. Alex's tight muscles loosened as Walter continued to hold him, and he drifted from tears to whimpers and then to exhausted sleep. Carefully, Walter arranged Alex comfortably on the bed and covered him lightly.

It was dusk when Alex awoke. The rain had stopped. The wet leaves glistened in the last of the sun's rays. He lay quietly, listening to the familiar sounds of Walter in the kitchen. Stretched tentatively, wincing at the soreness in his butt. Damn. For a gentle man, Walter had a hard hand.

Walter heard Alex get up and smiled. He knew just where they should eat tonight.

"Let's shower, Alex," he said. "I hear the inn down the road makes a wicked Black Forest cake. Why don't we check it out?"

Alex wrapped his arm around Walter.

"Sounds like a great idea for dessert," he breathed throatily in Walter's ear.

"But I think I need an appetizer before we go." Walter let himself be pushed into the bedroom.

"Funny," Walter said. "I could do with a snack before dinner myself."

***FIN***