M/m sex, discipline, spanking. If the idea of a discipline relationship between consenting adult men offends you, so will this story.

ELIZABETH MARSHALL STORIES

Secondary Gain

 

"How are you doing, babe?" Donovan asked.

Loren's eyes were closed. Donovan brushed the hair gently back from Loren's forehead.

"Open your eyes, babe. Look at me. How are we doing here?"

"I'm all right." Loren's voice was small.

"Does it hurt?" Donovan asked. "It shouldn't hurt."

"Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad, Loren." Donovan was used to Loren's inability to distinguish anger and concern.

Loren shifted uncomfortably. Donovan clamped the clear tubing, halting the enema's flow. Rubbed Loren's belly in slow circles.

"Breathe, babe. That's it. Don't tense up. Try to breathe through it."

Loren relaxed under Donovan's massage.

"You need to tell me if you're having cramps," Donovan scolded gently. "It's not an endurance contest. We're not in any rush here."

"Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad, Loren. Shh." Donovan continued to rub Loren's stomach, trusting his fingers to tell him when Loren was ready to continue. "I'm going to start the solution flowing again."

Loren closed his eyes.

"Hey, hey, look at me," Donovan prompted. He dropped a gentle kiss on Loren's forehead; chafed Loren's cheek with the back of his hand. Anything to keep Loren present. "Open your eyes."

"I'm okay." Loren turned into Donovan's caress.

"Just a little bit more. We're almost done; you're doing good." Donovan pressed Loren's buttocks together gently, easing the nozzle out. "You need to retain the solution a few minutes to give it time to work. Easy, Loren, just breathe."

Loren tried to focus on Donovan's hand soothing the small of his back and not on his roiling insides.

"Donovan!"

"Whenever you're ready," Donovan said reassuringly.

Loren bolted for the bathroom.

Donovan grimaced sympathetically. Turning to the bed, he refolded the towels he'd placed under Loren to allay Loren's fear of accidentally soiling the mattress. Whacked the pillows against the headboard to plump them. Brushed out the wrinkled bottom sheet, straightened the top sheet. Shook out the blankets.

Loren slouched back into the room, relief and residual embarrassment warring in his expression.

"Come here, you," Donovan said, folding Loren into a hug. He lifted the sweaty hair from the nape of Loren's neck. "You feel shaky."

"I'm okay." Loren couldn't meet Donovan's eyes.

"Lie down for a little while. I'll be right back." Donovan gave Loren a gentle push toward the bed. Took the enema equipment into the bathroom and cleaned up neatly and efficiently. Put the medical apparatus away and washed his hands.

Loren lay on his back in their bed, staring fixedly at the ceiling. Donovan stretched out alongside him. Rolling onto his side, he spooned Loren to him, cradling Loren's head in the crook of one elbow. His other arm spanned Loren's slender waist, his hand rubbing Loren's belly reassuringly.

"You don't think it's gross?"

"Loren," Donovan said reproachfully. "We've had this conversation, remember?"

"Yeah." Loren's breathing hitched.

"You did good, Loren," Donovan said soothingly. "You did good. I'm very proud of you."

"Donovan." Loren drifted hazily, contentedly. It felt good to be held.

"I have to put in some solid studio time today," Donovan said after a bit.

"You go." Loren yawned. "I'm okay by myself, Donovan."

"You know where to find me. You need to keep drinking today. Something besides Coke please. Don't forget, Loren."

"I won't," Loren promised, stretching, arching his back. Donovan kissed him.

Donovan had been honest when he had told Loren that the procedure did not disturb him. In this, as in so many ways, Loren's neediness brought out Donovan's abundant protective instincts. However, there was no indication that Loren's problem was improving and that did worry Donovan.

Sequestered in his studio, Donovan moved easily through the ritual of arranging his work. Soaking his plaster bats. Setting out his sponges and his scraping tools. Testing the consistency of his clay.

The enemas had been intended as a short term, stop gap measure while Loren's bowels righted themselves. Instead, Loren seemed to accept the procedure as a given in his life.

He should be doing better, Donovan mused unhappily. Looking for answers from a source he trusted, he put in a call to Jamie Gordon.

"You're giving him the larger volume of dilute solution, as I suggested? Good. Does he still cry every time, Donovan, or has it gotten easier?" Dr. Gordon asked.

"He gets a little anxious if he feels cramps, but we take it slowly and he gets through it without tears for the most part, " Donovan said.

"Any problems during sex?"

"We haven't--" Donovan cleared his throat. "We haven't had penetrative sex. He seems...uncomfortable. I haven't pushed him."

"I think that's your problem. There's an enormous secondary gain for him in remaining constipated," Dr. Gordon said practically.

"What do you mean?" Donovan was puzzled.

"I think the enemas have become both a defense against and a substitute for anal intercourse. I think you've got yourself a kink in the making."

"I don't understand. Are you saying he enjoys them? It doesn't seem to me like he's getting off on them. He doesn't seem excited," Donovan objected.

"Not on the physical sensations, perhaps," Dr. Gordon said. "But on the closeness, on the trust, I can see that happening. "

"But what do I do about it?" Donovan asked.

"Frankly, your best move would be to interrupt this secondary gain syndrome. More sex, less kink," Dr. Gordon said dryly. "Don't ask me how seldom I advise that."

"He's ambivalent about penetration," Donovan said sadly. "I think it's something he had to do, to be 'loved'." Donovan said the word bitterly, the quotation marks audible.

"Donovan, let me point something out," Dr. Gordon said. "I think you underestimate the influence you have over Loren. If in the space of a few weeks you've taken him from being deathly afraid of an enema, to getting off on it, then you can certainly ease him into what most of us would consider a lot less disturbing form of penetration."

"I can try," Donovan said. "Do you think that's the way to go?"'

"Well, this is not a good way for him to get his needs met, if you're asking me," Dr. Gordon said. "He really should be doing better than this, Donovan. I'm not comfortable with keeping him on this kind of regimen. What sort of health insurance does he have?"

"He doesn't have insurance," Donovan said grimly. "Why do you ask?"

"I'd like to do a few tests to rule out any organic problems, but without insurance it's an untenable proposition." Dr. Gordon frowned. "While I could do a flexible sigmoidoscopy in my office, I would also need to see the results of a barium enema. That requires specialized equipment and while it's not painful, it is uncomfortable. The kind of kid glove care your Loren would need in order to tolerate it, you're not going to get in a public hospital setting." Dr. Gordon sounded grim.

"What alternatives do we have?" Donovan asked.

"What I suggested earlier: Interrupt this secondary gain syndrome. Now, before it gets any more firmly established. Keep the enemas as businesslike and unemotional as possible. Embed the sex in as much comfort and caring as you can manage. And keep me posted."

Donovan worked steadily through the afternoon. Pacing himself, letting the demands of the medium move him along. Although none of his starts came to anything, the work itself soothed and centered him.

The light through the studio's windows grew warmer and rosier as the sun sank lower. Donovan lumped together his excess clay and returned the still moist scraps to their bin. Wiped down his worktable, cleaned and put away his tools. His day's work was done. Donovan washed his hands, hung up his smock and headed across to the house. He smiled to himself. Time to seduce his brat.

Donovan was not surprised to find Loren sprawled on the living room floor. Loren liked the cartoons and sitcoms of late afternoon television, with their mindless plots and predictable laugh tracks.

"Come help with dinner," Donovan suggested.

"What should I do?" Loren got to his feet. He stretched lazily, supple despite his previous awkward position.

"Set the table, please, and then get us some wineglasses. They're in the glass cupboard." Donovan reached overhead and snagged a bottle from the wine rack. Uncorked it swiftly.

"Wine?" Loren was puzzled. "Why, Donovan?" He toyed with the glass Donovan had poured him.

"It tastes good," Donovan said. "Enjoy it, Loren, it's good for you in moderation."

Loren sipped slowly, following Donovan's lead.

"Good, right?" Donovan refilled Loren's glass, then turned back to his dinner preparations, humming to himself. He was going to make this a special night for both of them. Putting the steak in the broiler, he washed his hands carefully and began preparing a salad of tomatoes and onions.

"That was a great dinner, Donovan," Loren said appreciatively. "Thank you." He giggled. Between the two of them, they had killed the entire bottle of wine. Loren felt pleasantly buzzed.

"My pleasure, Loren." Donovan reached over the table and took Loren's hand, lacing their fingers together. "I love you, Loren."

"How can you just say that like that?" Loren shook his head, coloring slightly. "I mean, yeah, I..." He blushed brighter. "Me, too."

"Come on," Donovan said, rising from his seat and tugging Loren up with him. "Let me show you how much." He led Loren into their bedroom.

The wine and Donovan's declaration of love left Loren giddy. Laughing, he did a quick, impromptu striptease and bounced onto their bed.

Smiling and shaking his head, Donovan closed the shades and drew the curtains. He unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged out of it. Unbuckled his belt, undid his jeans. Tossed his clothes over the chair by his closet.

Donovan sat down on the edge of the bed. Fished discreetly in the night table drawer for supplies and laid them within easy reach. He turned on a small lamp, its glow warm and friendly in the darkened room. Turned to smile at Loren, who was sprawled beside him watching him.

"Come here," Donovan said, drawing Loren to him. Draping himself over Loren, he kissed him, first gently, then more deeply.

"Open your mouth, Loren, I want to taste you." Donovan teased Loren's tongue with his own. Felt Loren yield, his jaw relaxing. Continued to kiss him, sucking at his tongue. Felt Loren stiffen against his thigh.

Donovan licked Loren's throat, blew lightly at the wet trail his tongue left. Loren reacted strongly, his head straining back. He shivered. Donovan sought out one nipple with his mouth. Sucked at it, teasing it into a crinkled peak. Rolled the other nipple between his thumb and two fingers, feeling it stiffen.

"God Donovan, oh god Donovan, oh god," Loren gasped.

Donovan grinned smugly. Releasing the sensitive nipples, he scratched his index finger lightly over the midline of Loren's chest and belly.

"Ahhhhhh! Enough, Donovan, ahhhhhh...." Loren's voice rose.

Laughing, Donovan hooked his finger over the waistband of Loren's underwear, pulling it down. Lifting his hips helpfully, Loren let Donovan expose him completely. He kicked his underwear off.

Donovan cupped Loren's balls in his palm and fingers, rolled them gently with his thumb. Loren froze.

"How does that feel?" Donovan asked, pausing.

"Careful," Loren whispered. "It's okay, just...careful."

"Always." Clearly Loren didn't like his balls manipulated. Donovan shifted his hand to Loren's cock, gripped the hard shaft and slid his fisted hand downward.

"Ohhh," Loren moaned, pushing into Donovan's hand. Donovan stroked him a few more times, then leaned forward and licked the glistening slit in the head. "Oh god," Loren said. "Oh Donovan."

Donovan laughed at Loren's unintentional profanity.

"Give me your hand." Loren extended his arm. Donovan placed Loren's hand on Loren's own cock. "Good." Letting Loren stroke himself slowly, Donovan widened Loren's thighs and gently petted the sweet, soft skin behind Loren's balls. Ghosted the pad of his forefinger over Loren's anus. Felt Loren clench his buttocks.

"Relax, Loren, let me touch you," Donovan said, stroking the tense cheeks. "Let go, don't tighten up. This is going to feel nice."

"I'm not a virgin," Loren snapped irritably. "Don't play with me. Just do it, Donovan." All happy anticipation was gone from his voice. "Just fuck me."

"Loren!" Donovan removed his hands abruptly.

"Don't tease me, Donovan, make up your fucking mind!" Loren's voice rose. "Either fuck me or leave me the fuck alone!"

"Shh, shh, shh," Donovan said, his voice growing quieter as Loren's grew louder. "It's all right, Loren, you're okay, babe. We're not going to do this tonight."

"Get off me!"

"We're stopping now. It's all right, Loren. Just breathe."

Loren straightened his legs and rolled onto his stomach, his face turned away from Donovan. Donovan rubbed his back, purposely ignoring Loren's initial flinch. Gradually, Loren's breathing steadied. Loren said something inaudible into the pillow.

"I can't hear you, Loren," Donovan said gently. "Can you look at me, please? Tell me again."

"I didn't mean it, Donovan."

"It's all right, Loren."

"Don't spank me. I don't want to be spanked," Loren said hoarsely.

"I'm not going to spank you. I'd never punish you for a panic attack, " Donovan said calmly. "You know that. Come here, babe, you're all right. We're all right. Come here."

"Donovan!" Loren buried his face in Donovan's chest.

Donovan cupped his hand over the back of Loren's neck, massaging the hard knots of misery. Ruffled the fringes of Loren's hair.

"I'm right here, Loren, I'm right here. You're okay now, I've got you." Donovan made sympathetic noises as Loren cried himself out. It wasn't until Loren's sobs became painful gasps, that Donovan made an attempt to quiet his lover. "Shh, shh, you'll make yourself sick, shh now, it's all right. Shh…" He stroked Loren's hair, rubbed his back in soothing circles. "Shh now…"

"Don't spank me," Loren whispered.

"Of course not," Donovan said. "Spanking's for things you can control. You know that."

"Don't hurt me," Loren added.

"Loren, have I ever hurt you?" Donovan asked, exasperated.

Silence.

"Loren?"

Loren stiffened slightly.

"The medical exam, that first night," Donovan said, feeling the sad weight of guilt the memory always prompted.

"Don't be mad. I'm sorry," Loren said reflexively. "It didn't really hurt."

"That's something, in any case," Donovan said sadly. "We need to talk about this, Loren."

"Just forget it." Loren sniffed, hard. "It doesn't matter."

Donovan sighed. He wanted to talk this through, but now was not the time. Accordingly, he rolled Loren gently onto his back. Snagged a tissue from the bedside table and dried Loren's flushed, wet cheeks with careful pats.

"Do you need the bathroom?" Donovan asked.

Loren shook his head. No.

"Then I think we should sleep," Donovan said, turning out the light. "I love you, Loren. It will be better in the morning, I promise."

"'kay," Loren mumbled. "I'm sorry."

"Shh, Loren. Don't you be sorry. I love you very much. Shh, just sleep." Donovan spooned Loren to him. Loren felt good in his arms. Donovan rubbed his lips over Loren's disheveled hair, kissed it softly. Loren smelled good, too. He ran his hand over Loren's lean waist, his narrow hips. My Loren. Mine.

Safe. Loren felt safe. He curled closer to Donovan. Safe. Loved. It was still a novel feeling.

Loren was quiet the next morning. He ate his breakfast cooperatively; gulped the miserable mixture of psyllium and orange juice Dr. Gordon had sentenced him to without protest. Looked at Donovan from under lowered lashes.

"Donovan? You going out to the studio?"

"In a bit, Loren. Why?"

"Did you, do you, want to, you know? I mean, yesterday, you didn't get to..." Loren dropped his eyes. "To fuck me."

Donovan winced.

"Loren, I know you mean well. But that's kind of..." Donovan was at a loss for words. Abrupt, he thought to himself. But Loren really doesn't know better. "I think there's something we need to discuss first, in any case."

"Discuss?" Loren chewed his lip.

"Discuss as in talk, Loren, nothing else." Donovan shook his head at the failings of language. "Loren, the medical exam we did that first night. I know it scared you."

"Whatever." Loren shrugged, not meeting Donovan's eyes.

"Loren, I am so very, very sorry about that. It was first aid, pure and simple. I never imagined you thought of it as a scene. " Donovan's mouth was bitter with shame. "I made an honest mistake. Will you ever forgive me?"

"Whatever." I wish he'd shut up, Loren thought miserably.

Clearly this discussion is just making Loren feel worse. I'll either have to forgive myself or live with the guilt, Donovan thought ruefully.

"All right, Loren, I hear you," Donovan said. "I won't ask you again."

Loren took a shallow, relieved breath.

"So, you want to--" Loren sought a word that might not offend Donovan.

Donovan saw the naked longing to please in Loren's gaze. He leaned forward, kissed Loren gently. Loren's eyes closed.

"Let's go back to bed, babe." Donovan drew Loren upright and guided him to the bedroom, his large hand warm against Loren's back. Once in the bedroom, Donovan turned Loren to face him.

"I love you, Loren," Donovan said huskily. He stroked the planes of Loren's face gently, appreciatively. "You're so gorgeous, babe." Donovan traced Loren's mouth with his forefinger, teasing it open. Kissed Loren slowly, deeply.

Loren backed towards the bed and Donovan moved with him, not breaking their kiss. Loren let Donovan lower him to the bed.

"Get undressed, Loren, let me look at you," Donovan purred. Loren shrugged out of his tee shirt, undid his jeans and pushed them down, along with his underwear. Lay back tensely.

"Beautiful," Donovan murmured. He took off his shirt, unbuttoned his fly and stepped out of his pants. Eased his underwear over his erect cock and stood before Loren, letting Loren study him.

Loren licked his lips, quickly, anxiously. Ran his hand over his own stiff cock, eyeing Donovan's generous endowment apprehensively.

Donovan straddled Loren, leaning into him, letting their cocks brush together. Kissed Loren, deeply, wetly, sucking hard at his tongue. Felt Loren's cock surge against him and thrust his hips forward, pressing against Loren.

Loren didn't move.

"Good?" Donovan asked, studying Loren's face for clues.

"Anything you want's good, Donovan," Loren said hoarsely. "Just fuck me." He shifted his hips, tilting himself for easier access.

Donovan brought his legs inside Loren's and sat back on his heels. Loren lay spread open before him, legs wide and slack. Reaching forward, Donovan snagged the lube from the top of the nightstand. Flipping back the cap, he coated his fingers generously. Palm upward, he slipped his hand under Loren's buttocks and slid his well-lubricated index finger smoothly into Loren.

Loren exhaled sharply as Donovan's questing finger found a sweet spot.

"Good?"

"Yes," Loren moaned, arching his back. "Oh yeah."

This receptive lover was a far cry from the panic-stricken Loren of the previous night. Donovan withdrew his index finger slightly, crossed it over his smooth, lubed middle finger and pressed both fingers deeply into Loren.

"Oh God, Donovan, that's good." Loren's eyes were glazed with pure lust. He stroked his rigid cock with his own hand. "God, Donovan, please…"

Donovan drew his fingers from Loren and smoothed on a condom. Slopping more lube in his palm, he slicked his covered cock thoroughly. He swiped a pillow, folded it hastily and thrust it under Loren's butt, tipping him upward. Positioned his cock with his hand and teased Loren's tender opening with its glistening head. Bore inward.

Loren's own cock wilted despite his hand on it. Sheer desire was not enough to ease Donovan's penetration. Loren's breathing roughened.

Donovan pulled back. Leaning forward, he kissed Loren long and lingeringly.

"Don't be scared. It doesn't have to happen today, Loren, there's no pressure."

"Don't be mad. Give me another chance, Donovan."

"I'm not mad, Loren. Here, let's try a little more lube." He took an even more generous gob of the slick substance and worked it into the tensed ring of muscle.

Gradually Loren relaxed. Donovan recoated himself with lube.

"Deep breath, babe, that's it, that's the way, breathe out now," Donovan coaxed, reinserting his cock.

This time Loren's exhalation was a sigh of pleasure, as the heft of Donovan's cock breached him.

"Good?" Donovan pressed deeper.

"Yeah," panted Loren. "Oh yeah, it's good." He worked his cock with his own hand.

Donovan moved inside Loren, shivers of pleasure running through him as Loren's tightness gripped him surely. He thrust steadily, his own pleasure peaking, until with a final, insistent shove, he came deep inside of Loren.

Loren moaned as Donovan withdrew, his fist flying over his own cock. Donovan replaced Loren's hand with his own. It took only a few demanding strokes. Loren's cum spurted in a hot, white arc, coating Donovan's fist, their bellies, the sheets. Loren lay back, breathing hard.

Donovan wiped a crumpled sheet over their damp and sticky flanks; pushed it aside. Tugged the rest of the covers over both of them.

Loren curled his head onto Donovan's chest, feeling his heart, Donovan's heart, pounding, unable to tell where one left off and the other began, and not caring much, either way.

For the space of a half-hour both men drifted, sated. Each thinking his own thoughts.

Donovan stretched regretfully. He needed to get into the studio.

"Stay here." Loren clung sleepily to Donovan.

"I've got to put in a few hours." Donovan untangled himself from Loren. He needed the studio time. His absence from Matthiesen's contemporary show had been noted; it would take a substantial body of new work to quell the circulating rumors.

"No, stay with me." Loren turned toward him, his face creased from the pillow. "Don't be mad," he added quickly.

"I'm not mad, babe. But I do need to put in a couple of hours in the studio this afternoon." Donovan tousled Loren's hair. "Come on, get up and I'll make us some French toast first. We used up a lot of energy this morning." He grinned at Loren. "Or one of us did. You just lay back and enjoyed it."

Loren winced.

"I was joking, babe," Donovan said. "I'm sorry; it was a bad joke."

"It's fine." Loren sounded as if he were trying to convince himself as well as Donovan.

"Loren? Talk to me?" Donovan sat up against the headboard, drawing Loren up with him. Took Loren's hand; toyed with his slender fingers. "Was it not good?"

"I didn't say that! It was good. " An edge of panic in Loren's voice. "It didn't hurt."

It didn't hurt. His poor brat. It didn't hurt. That, to Loren, made it good sex. It didn't hurt.

"You're mad at me." Loren looked away, but not before Donovan had seen the sheen of tears in his eyes.

"I'm not mad at you. Come here, babe, kiss me." Tilting Loren's face up, Donovan ran a gentle finger along his cheekbones. Pressing his lips to Loren's, Donovan deepened the kiss, opening Loren's mouth with his tongue.

Loren kissed Donovan back, his hand straying to his again stiffening cock.

"To be young..." Donovan fondled Loren's nipples, making him squirm. Pushed Loren back into the pillows and took Loren's cock in his mouth.

Loren lay back, eyes closed, relishing the heat and the friction. He grew harder as Donovan worked over him. Gave himself up to the sheer pleasure of sensation.

Replacing his mouth with his hand, Donovan stroked Loren's hardened cock.

"You want to be on top this time?" Donovan asked softly.

"Huh?" Loren was sure he had misheard.

"I'm up for it if you are. And you seem plenty up to me," Donovan teased gently.

"I've never done it that way, Donovan."

"Always a first time." Donovan handed the lube and a condom to Loren. "I love you, Loren." He rolled onto his belly. "This how you want me?"

Loren's cock stiffened further at the sight of Donovan's ass so temptingly presented, at the taut swell of muscle and the inviting cleft between the firm cheeks. He ran his hand along Donovan's hip, over the small of his back, over his fine butt. Traced the separation between his buttocks. Hesitated.

"I'm not sure about this," Loren said fretfully. "Donovan, please, I'm not sure I want to do this." He sounded more stressed than eager.

Donovan rolled back over, took Loren in his arms, and kissed him.

"It's not a one-time offer, babe. When you're ready. Let me to make you happy this way…" Donovan pressed Loren back, took his cock in his mouth again. Worked the hard length of it between tongue and palate until Loren came, his sweet, salty cum spilling over Donovan's lips. Donovan dragged the back of his hand over his mouth and reclining back against the pillows, gathered his rapidly breathing lover to him.

"Love you, Loren. Mine," Donovan said with satisfaction.

"Me too you," Loren said softly, his breathing steadying, his eyes closing. He snuggled trustfully.

Donovan straightened Loren's hair, working his fingers through the untidy strands. The sensation was comforting and familiar and Loren relaxed into it, falling into a quiet, satisfied sleep.

Donovan watched Loren's face soften as he slept. The transformation was startling; it made it painfully clear how guarded Loren's face was when he was awake. Donovan touched Loren's cheek gently, and without waking, Loren rubbed his cheek against Donovan's hand. The unconscious gesture touched Donovan.

The morning's shot anyway, Donovan thought ruefully. He stretched out alongside Loren and closed his eyes. Loren snuggled into him.

The room was dark and both men were tired. They slept through lunch, well into the afternoon.

Loren stirred first. Donovan was still beside him! Loren grinned smugly; seldom did his desires prevail over the studio's siren call. Loren trailed his hand over Donovan's flank. His own cock hardened further. Shifting his hand to himself, he stroked himself slowly. Remembered Donovan's offer and allowed himself to imagine what it would be like to have Donovan in that way.

"Hey, don't waste that," Donovan teased, coming awake. "You want me to do something for you?"

Loren swallowed hard. Looked at Donovan, too shy to ask, hoping Donovan would guess.

"Oh yeah, we can do that," Donovan said with a grin, reading the longing in Loren's eyes correctly. His own cock hardening at the thought of being thoroughly fucked by his young lover. "Just tell me how you want me."

"Roll over," Loren instructed tentatively. He reached for the lube, took some on his finger. Parted Donovan's buttocks. Cautiously, infinitely gently, he circled Donovan's anus. "Oh God, Donovan, I can't believe you'd do this."

"Keep going, Loren," Donovan said, his voice hoarse with lust. "I want you. I love you."

Loren's cock was rigid, precum glistening. He smoothed a condom over it, coated the latex with lube. Positioned himself between Donovan's legs. Added an additional smear of lubrication to Donovan's winking opening.

Donovan drew his knees under himself, thrusting his ass wantonly higher. The gesture asking, more clearly than any words could, for Loren to take him fully.

Loren positioned the head of his cock at the ring of muscle before him and pressed forward into the heat and tightness.

Donovan exhaled, willing himself silent, knowing that even the slightest indication of transient discomfort would unnerve Loren entirely. As he expected, the burn of the initial stretching eased as the head of Loren's cock penetrated him fully.

"Oh, good!" Donovan exclaimed, feeling Loren stroke over his prostate and continue to thrust deeper. "Oh god Loren that's so good. Oh yes."

"I can't last," Loren gasped, overwhelmed by the heated grip of the tight sheath, his thrusts uneven and desperate. He came hard and collapsed on Donovan's back, breathing fast. "Oh god Donovan oh god oh god."

Donovan felt Loren's flaccid cock slide from him as he flattened himself to the mattress and rolled over, taking his flushed and dumbstruck lover in his arms. Laughing at the expression of utter bliss on Loren's face, he kissed Loren gently.

Loren giggled, tried to find words, but only laughed harder. Harder and harder, until tears rolled down his face and his body shook with near hysteria.

"It's all right, it's all right," Donovan said reassuringly, not in the least surprised by Loren's emotional free fall. "It's all feelings, Loren, it's all good." He licked the tears spilling over Loren's cheeks. "Let go, little one. I've got you. Let go."

Loren listened. He laughed and he wept and he laughed at his own weeping, trusting Donovan to bear witness. Trusting Donovan to love him. Finally exhausted, he yawned tiredly. Regarded Donovan through red-rimmed eyes.

"I love you, Donovan." Loren kissed Donovan softly. "You love me?"

"I love you, Loren." Donovan returned the kiss with interest, his tongue caressing Loren's.

"If you think kissing me's going to get me hot again, forget it," Loren said. "I'm dead."

"I would never have guessed." Donovan chuckled. "Come on, brat, get showered and dressed. I want to eat out."

"If you think feeding me's going to get me hot again, forget it," Loren groused, rolling free of Donovan's embrace. "Ouch. Don't spank me, I'm moving. Jeez, you're mean when you're hungry…" Pouting exaggeratedly, Loren slouched toward the bathroom.

Donovan smiled complacently. Only recently had Loren dared that sort of repartee, as his confidence in Donovan and their relationship grew. Donovan waited until he heard the shower starting, then went to join Loren.

Clean, dry and dressed, the two lovers set out for dinner. No need to discuss where they would eat. It never mattered to Loren, and Donovan had discovered a new Turkish restaurant that was his current favorite and where he would happily have eaten every day.

People just like Donovan, Loren mused, listening to the restaurant's owner and Donovan exchange greetings. Loren kept his eyes down, avoiding eye contact and conversation. Loren didn't expect people to be friendly.

I wish Donovan wasn't so open-minded, Loren thought grouchily, listening to Donovan agree happily to a selection of unpronounceable dishes the waiter recommended. His stomach knotted nervously.

"You'll like this." Sensitive to Loren's dislike of new foods, Donovan served him a hefty portion of rice and salad and just a few cubes of lamb from the stew, with almost no sauce. "Taste it, Loren. It's very good."

No point in arguing. With a sigh, Loren took a small forkful of the rice. To his surprise, he liked the flavor. Feeling proud of his daring, he speared a piece of meat. It was tender and succulent.

"You're right, Donovan. I like it. A lot." Loren smiled at Donovan. "How did you know I would?"

"Oh, I know what you like," Donovan smiled back. "I know you, Loren." I love you, Loren, his eyes said, as clearly as any words.

"You do." Loren ate a little more rice. "I'll try the sauce," he offered gamely.

"Very good." Donovan praised Loren, helping him to some more stew. It made him happy to see Loren trying something new.

"Thank you," Loren said. Donovan's praise warmed his heart as much as the well-spiced food warmed his mouth.

The meal finished with Turkish coffee. At least it's sweet, Loren thought, draining the small cup. Despite the shot of caffeine, Loren was tired. He closed his eyes.

"It's been a long day," Donovan said, gesturing for the check. Donovan left his usual generous tip. The waiter thanked him profusely, bowing slightly. Donovan nodded, waving away his thanks.

"How come everyone likes you?" Loren asked Donovan as they crossed the wide avenues between the restaurant and their home.

"Do they? I like people," Donovan said. "It comes across, I guess."

"You like everyone," Loren said wistfully.

"But I like you best of all. Don't be jealous, babe," Donovan said gently.

"You sure you like me best?" Loren asked again, as they undressed for bed.

"Hundred percent," Donovan said, wrapping his arms around Loren and kissing him. "I love you, Loren. You're it for me."

Loren relaxed into Donovan's embrace. Safe. It was still a novel feeling.

Wanted. Loved. It felt good.

A teaching day for Donovan. He started coffee and returned to wake Loren.

"Time is it?" Loren muttered. "I'm tired, Donovan. I don't feel good."

"Breakfast. Come on, get moving, you'll feel better once you're up."

"Hah," Loren countered, but he obeyed.

Donovan watched Loren drink his coffee and start on his eggs. Loren shifted, trying to make himself comfortable.

"Stomach?" Donovan guessed.

"Yeah." Loren's eyes didn't meet Donovan's.

"Drink your junk," Donovan said, gesturing towards the usual glass of psyllium and orange juice.

"It doesn't help any and it makes me feel like throwing up," Loren objected.

"Loren. It isn't negotiable."

With ill grace, Loren gulped the mixture. Made a gagging expression.

"Thank you." Donovan touched his cheek gently. "I'll be back around four. Drink plenty of liquid and try to get a walk in. See if that doesn't help get things moving. I love you, Loren." He kissed Loren goodbye and headed out.

Loren went back to bed. Curled on his side and slipped into an uneasy and uncomfortable sleep. Woke around noon, feeling logy and disoriented. Cleaned up the breakfast dishes, wiped the table. Popped open a Sprite and savored the sweet taste as he channel surfed aimlessly. He was bored and his stomach hurt. Stretching out on the living room rug, he dozed off.

Donovan arrived home a few minutes after four. At one time, the sound of late afternoon television with its canned laugh track had depressed him. Now he had come to understand what made it so attractive to Loren. The simple plots, the all's right within this small world endings: It made sense that having offered Loren an escape for so many years, it still made Loren happy.

Except Loren looked uncomfortable and unhappy, a look Donovan recognized.

"Still having problems, little one?" Donovan asked sympathetically, crouching beside Loren and turning his face up for a kiss.

"I feel awful. My stomach hurts," Loren said plaintively. "I don't feel good, Donovan."

"Why don't you come stretch out and we'll take care of that," Donovan said gently.

"All right." Loren sounded grateful, almost eager.

"Interrupt this secondary gain syndrome. Keep the enemas as businesslike and unemotional as possible." Dr. Gordon's words echoed in Donovan's head as he stood over the bathroom sink, carefully preparing the enema solution. He filled the enema bag with warm water, added the prescription saline and emollient concentrate, reattached tubing and nozzle.

Returning to their bedroom, Donovan pulled a high-backed chair to the bedside and hooked the bag over the back. He spread a towel over the bed, knowing how much it reassured Loren.

"Lie down, Loren."

"I don't want to do this," Loren complained, but it was a pro forma objection and Donovan disregarded it. Trustingly, Loren undressed and stretched out.

Donovan held himself back, not stroking Loren's hair, not rubbing his back. Intent on not making the experience in any way rewarding.

Loren rolled onto his left side, bent his right knee toward his chest.

"That's good." Donovan squeezed a gob of lubricant onto his fingers. Covered the enema nozzle generously. Gently he massaged the remaining gel into Loren's anus, slicking the tight muscle without and within. "Relax, Loren, this isn't going to hurt. Remember, you need to tell me if you're having cramps. Okay?" Donovan patted Loren's ass gently, then remembered. Businesslike. Unemotional. No secondary gains.

"Yes, Donovan." Loren sensed something different in Donovan's manner. "Donovan, are you mad?" he asked plaintively. "What did I do?"

Donovan let out his breath slowly. I should have anticipated this, he reproached himself.

"I'm not angry, Loren," Donovan said calmly. "You didn't do anything wrong. Take a deep breath now. Good. Breathe out." He slipped the nozzle in.

"Stop! It hurts! Donovan, take it out!"

Donovan's jaw tightened. He had not yet unclamped the tubing; no solution was flowing. It was Loren's own muscle spasms that were causing the pain. Clearly Loren needed more support from him than he was offering. No matter any more the secondary gain involved; Donovan's primary concern was to soothe his frightened brat.

"Shh, shh, you're all right, little one. I know it hurts. Bear with it a moment, Loren, you can do that for me, can't you?" Donovan moved the flat of his hand over Loren's buttocks in gentle spirals, from the slight indentation at the base of his spine down to the corded muscles in the backs of his thighs.

"It hurts! Donovan, take it out."

"Can you give it just one more minute?" Donovan kneeled alongside the bed, bringing his face level with Loren's. "Open your eyes. Look at me. Breathe." He blew lightly at Loren's face.

The small puff of air prompted a reflexive breath from Loren. A few moments more, and Loren was breathing easily, releasing the tension that gripped him. With the tension went the pain.

"Better, babe?" Donovan asked, searching Loren's eyes. They were troubled.

"Yeah."

"Let's finish up then." Donovan seated himself alongside Loren and released the clamp slowly.

Loren lay quietly, accepting the solution without resistance. Donovan traced figure eight's over Loren's hip, from back to belly and back again. Murmured reassuringly, nonsense words and endearments.

"Hold it a bit," Donovan coaxed, leaving the nozzle in place, hoping it might enable Loren to retain the enema more easily.

"Donovan? I really need--"

"Of course," Donovan said, easing the nozzle free. "Go on."

The bathroom door slammed behind Loren.

Donovan remade the bed. Replaced the high backed chair by the wall, set the enema equipment aside.

"That hurt!" A tearful, upset Loren flung himself at Donovan.

"Loren. You're all right now, I've got you," Donovan said. "Shh..." He turned toward the bed, eased them both down. Combed his fingers through the taffy tangles of Loren's hair.

"I'm sorry," Loren sniffled. "Are you still mad at me, Donovan?"

"Little one. I was never angry at you," Donovan said softly.

"I thought you were. You didn't touch me. You didn't talk to me." Loren sounded hurt and confused. "I thought you were mad and I didn't know why."

Donovan sighed. How to explain...

"It's complicated, Loren. I spoke to Dr. Gordon about the enemas you're getting. Neither of us is comfortable with this regimen."

"Neither am I," Loren said wryly. "Don't forget me. I'm the least comfortable of all. No one's sticking anything in you."

"I love you, Loren," Donovan said, laughing even as he tucked Loren closer. "You're a real trooper, you know that?"

"You think so?" Loren asked doubtfully.

"I know so," Donovan said. "And I do love you, Loren. You're it for me. There is no one else."

"I love you too, Donovan," Loren said softly. "I love you."

Donovan caught his breath. Loren had not merely echoed his "I love you," but had made his own pledge as well.

"My Loren." Donovan kissed Loren, savoring the taste of his lover's soft mouth. That his love was gift and not exchange was sweet indeed.

"Donovan? What did Dr. Gordon say?" Loren asked curiously.

"We agreed that you should be having fewer problems. That you should be doing better than you are. Dr. Gordon felt that the enemas might actually be part of the problem."

"Huh?" Loren sounded incredulous.

"That you're getting something out of them in addition to the relief they provide, Loren."

"That's bullshit," Loren said indignantly. "Gordon's a fucking asshole, and you are too if you believe him."

"Watch your mouth," Donovan cautioned. "I'm interested in what you have to say, but don't curse at me."

"Fuck you! You say shit about me behind my back and you want me to watch my mouth? Fuck that!" Loren tried to pull free from Donovan's embrace.

"That's quite enough," Donovan said firmly. "Stop cursing. Lie still."

"Let me go! I'm not some kind of fucking pervert! Let me go!"

"Stop fighting me," Donovan said, not giving an inch. "Easy, Loren, easy. No one said that."

"Fuck you! Maybe you get off on this shit, but I don't! Let me go!" Loren was furious. Donovan was larger and heavier and impossible to budge. Frustrated, Loren spat full in his face.

Shaking his head in disbelief, Donovan wiped the saliva from his cheek. Abruptly Loren realized just how big a mistake he had made.

"I'm sorry! " Loren wailed. "Donovan, I didn't mean it!"

"Stand up, Loren. Come with me."

"What are you going to do to me?"

"I'm going to spank you, Loren," Donovan said matter-of-factly. "What did you think I was going to do?"

"Spank me," Loren said unhappily. "Please don't spank me, Donovan," Loren pleaded, already close to tears.

"Loren." Donovan took Loren's arm above the elbow and guided him into the living room. Seating himself, he turned Loren face down over his lap and divested him of his underwear.

"That was really uncalled for," Donovan said, his disappointment evident in his voice.

Loren was crying even before the first swat landed. Donovan spanked him soundly, not sparing him, and Loren cried through every stinging moment. Finally it was over. Donovan rubbed the small of Loren's back gently, shaking his head.

"Come on, little one." Donovan eased Loren to his knees. Standing up, he drew Loren alongside him and tenderly shepherded him back to bed. Climbed in beside his lover and took Loren in his arms.

"That was just dumb, Loren," Donovan said ruefully, "Whatever came over you?" He stroked Loren's tear stained cheeks, kissed him gently.

"I don't know. I'm sorry, Donovan," Loren said softly. He snuggled closer.

"Just had to see what would happen?" Donovan asked, smoothing Loren's hair.

"I guess." Loren closed his eyes.

"Satisfied?"

"Yeah. You spanked me." Loren sounded oddly content. For a few minutes, the two lovers lay quietly, their breathing soft and even.

"Donovan? Dr. Gordon's wrong. I don't like enemas; I never have. That's not the part I like."

"All right," Donovan said. "It didn't call for a tantrum, you know. You could have just said that."

"Yeah." Loren was silent for a moment. "It felt good, though."

"Tell me?"

"To be that mad. To know I was still safe." Loren shifted his hips closer to Donovan's, wincing as his punished buttocks brushed the mattress. "And I knew I was safe, Donovan. I knew I was safe."

"My Loren." Donovan kissed Loren. "You've come a long way. I love you."

"I know that, too," Loren said. "I love you, Donovan."

***FIN***

THANK you, Hedeia and Rusty, for your late night encouragement. EM