M/m sex, discipline, spanking. If the idea of a discipline relationship between consenting adult men offends you, so will this story.


My Own True Love

"Loren, get up. Get showered. Get dressed. We have to leave." Donovan was annoyed. He had expected Loren to be ready by now.

"I'm sick. I think I have a fever." Loren curled deeper under the covers.

Donovan felt Loren's forehead; shook his own head.

"You don't feel hot. Get a move on. We're due at Jay and Maurice's at six."

"I'm not going, Donovan."

"You are going, Loren. " Donovan's voice hardened.

"Please, Donovan, please, let me stay home." Loren sounded thoroughly miserable. "My stomach hurts."

Against his better judgment, Donovan wavered. Seating himself on the bed, he rolled Loren onto his back. In a gesture that had already become comfortably familiar to both of them, he rubbed Loren's belly gently.

"I know your stomach aches, Loren. Shh... Breathe...." Donovan softened his tone. "Tell me what's wrong?"

"Jay hates me," Loren said miserably. "He doesn't think I'm worth shit. He said you were wasting your time with me."

"Jay and I have been friends a long time, Loren," Donovan said calmly. "Since we were boys. That doesn't mean he chooses my lover for me."

Loren froze. Lover. Lover?

"Am I your lover, Donovan?" Loren implored. "We don't do anything. You never fuck me."

For an answer, Donovan leaned over Loren. Kissed him full and hard on the lips. Pinned Loren beneath him and let Loren feel how hard he was.

"Loren," Donovan whispered huskily, trailing kisses over Loren's jaw, down his throat.

Loren arched upward, hard and desperate.

"I love you, Donovan. I need you. I want you to fuck me."

"We're going to be late for dinner. Get dressed, Loren."

Loren sighed, his face comically disappointed.

"Shit. I should have known you'd make me go."

Donovan laughed and tousled Loren's hair affectionately.

"Give it up, brat. I want to show you off, Loren."

"This time I'll be good." Loren took a deep breath. "I promise."

They arrived at the penthouse apartment only a few minutes behind schedule. Loren kept his eyes on the floor as he greeted Maurice and Jay.

Donovan noted the censorious glance that passed between the partners and sighed inwardly. His brat's manners were going to require a bit of polishing. Loren had only two social speeds, brash or submissive.

Loren sat fidgeting quietly as the three old friends talked. As neither Jay nor Maurice made any great effort to draw him out, Donovan didn't fault Loren for his lack of participation.

I hate this I hate this I hate this, Loren thought to himself. I don't understand what they're talking about. I don't feel good. I want to go home.

Maurice and Jay had turned out their usual top-notch meal. Donovan dug in happily.

Loren poked his chicken dispiritedly, shifted the rice from one side of his plate to the other. Arranged his string beans in neat parallel lines. Looked hopelessly at Donovan.

"Eat, Loren," Donovan prompted. "Come on now, catch up with the rest of us."

"I'm not very hungry," Loren mumbled. "It's nice food and all, I'm just not..." Loren looked nervously at Jay and Maurice.

Maurice was fuming. Jay's lips were set in a tight, thin line.

"My stomach hurts," Loren said softly. He looked at Donovan for confirmation.

"He's been complaining on and off for the last few days, Maurice," Donovan said apologetically. "His stomach hurt earlier this evening, when we were getting dressed. I assumed it was just nerves."

Maurice looked at Jay, waited for his slight nod of acquiescence before speaking.

"Donovan, do you want me to take a look at him?"

Donovan hesitated. He was torn between his concern for Loren, and his concern for his friend. Maurice's hours were long, his patients' cases often complex. Jay had invested years in breaking Maurice of the habit of bringing his work home.

Loren might not be feeling one hundred percent, but it was not an emergency. It could certainly wait. Donovan smiled at Maurice, about to thank him politely and refuse his well-intentioned offer.

"Fuck you! No! I won't let you touch me again! Fuck you!" Loren's face was contorted with a mixture of rage and terror.

Donovan reached towards Loren, and Loren backed rapidly away, almost toppling his chair in his effort to escape.

Maurice put out a steadying hand towards the chair.

Loren batted wildly at him.

" No-o-o-o! You motherfucking perv, don't fucking touch me! No-o-o-o!! I hate you! No-o-o-o!!! Get away from me, no, get away! "

Maurice was out of his seat, as was Donovan. Donovan shouldered his way between Maurice and Loren.

"Maurice, back off. Let Donovan handle it," Jay said quietly.

Loren turned on Donovan. Screaming, kicking, trying to bite. Flecks of foam flying from his mouth, his face distorted with fear. Undeterred, Donovan grasped Loren's arm firmly and spun him around, using Loren's own arms to wrap and restrain him. Loren thrashed ineffectually.

"Donovan, take him in the bedroom, I'll get a sedative," Maurice ordered, cool and professional, only the two bright spots of color on his cheeks betraying his upset.

Donovan manhandled Loren face down onto the bed and sat on him, gripping Loren's arms behind his back.

Loren bucked desperately, howling his fury. He keened in pure terror as he felt Maurice's hand at his waist, undoing his belt, unzipping him, easing his jeans and boxers down to expose his hip.

"Keep him still, Donovan, I don't want to hurt him," Maurice said.

Donovan concentrated on immobilizing his terrified prisoner.

Maurice swiped an alcohol pad over Loren's exposed cheek and quickly and professionally injected the medication.

"No-o-o-o! No-o-o-o! ! No-o-o-o!!!" Loren wailed, his frantic screams making the hair on Donovan's neck stand up.

"Shh, Loren, shh, it's okay now, you're all right, shh..." Donovan crooned, trying to keep his own voice steady and soft.

Mercifully, the sedative took hold rapidly. Loren quieted and slumped, sweaty and glassy-eyed, beneath Donovan.

Donovan released Loren's arms and climbed off him, trying to catch his own breath.

"Ah, Loren, what am I going to do with you?" Donovan asked rhetorically as he rolled Loren onto his back, untangled his arms and legs. Pulled up his pants. Took off his sneakers. Smoothed the sodden mass of light hair back from Loren's slack face.

Jay came into the bedroom. Standing behind Maurice, he put his hands on Maurice's stiff shoulders.

"Go sit, Maurice. I'll be right out." Jay reached into the closet and handed Donovan a neatly folded blanket. "Join us when you're done, Donovan."

Shaking out the light blanket, Donovan covered Loren carefully.

"Poor baby." Donovan traced Loren's features gently. "God, I'd like to kill the bastards who raised you." Squaring his shoulders, Donovan quietly left the bedroom for the dining room.

"Thank you, Maurice," Donovan said gratefully, dropping into his chair. "Jay."

"You okay, Donovan?" Jay studied his old friend carefully.

"I think so. Maurice, I'm sorry. He's a loose cannon."

"Jesus!" Maurice spat. "Goddamnit, Donovan, you need to do something about that mouth of his."

"I'm working on it, Maurie," Donovan said wryly.

"What did he think I was going to do to him? What is his problem?"

"I'm sorry, Maurice. It has nothing to do with you. The kid's got a lot of baggage."

"Well, I hope he won't sit for the next week. You are going to punish him, aren't you?" Maurice demanded, suddenly suspicious.

Donovan sighed.

"He was scared, Maurice. I don't punish for panic attacks."

"You have got to be kidding! You're going to let him get away with that? Donovan, I don't believe you! Jay, talk to him!"

"Maurice. This is not about you," Jay said warningly.

"He throws a tantrum, insults me and neither of you thinks he should be punished? Jesus, Jay, you'd skin me alive if I acted like that!"

Jay and Donovan exchanged glances. Donovan got up and stacking a few used plates as a pretext, headed for the kitchen.

"Maurice," Jay said firmly, rising and standing behind Maurice's chair. "Breathe. It's over. It's not about you. Breathe." He rubbed Maurice's stiff back in quieting circles.

Maurice was not mollified, but he knew better than to resist Jay's will. With ill grace, he allowed Jay to knead his shoulders, to press his thumbs into the painfully knotted muscles.

"Breathe, Maurice, breathe. It's over. Come here." Jay cupped Maurice's jaw in his hand, ran his thumb roughly over his lips. Tilted Maurice's head to his and kissed him hard, opening Maurice's lips with an insistent tongue.

With a sigh, Maurice gave way. His tense body softened. He widened his mouth and allowed Jay to explore it at will.

"Good." Jay released Maurice with a smile; patted his cheek. Raising his voice, he called into the kitchen. "Donovan, we need the coffee! Grab some cups, too!"

Long accustomed to Jay's lord of the manor tone, Donovan shook his head ruefully and brought the requisitioned items into the dining room.

Maurice's outrage mounted as he sipped his coffee.

"So, you're telling me that you're going to let him get away with that, Donovan?" Maurice demanded once again.

"Let it go, Maurice," Donovan said mildly.

"Loren needs to lose that attitude, fast." Maurice was not about to give up.

"Maurice, it's Donovan's call, not yours," Jay said in a tone that indicated the discussion was Over.

"I will never understand you, Donovan," Maurice muttered, unwilling to let it go.

"Maurice." Jay crooked his finger at his partner's half-eaten plate of chocolate cake. "I'll take that, please."

Maurice pushed his confiscated dessert across the table to Jay with an aggrieved sigh.

"Thank you, Maurice. You're excused."

Silently, Maurice took his coffee cup into the kitchen.

Donovan bit his cheek hard, trying to keep a straight face. Jay was death on argumentative partners.

He thought back over the years that he had known Maurice. Maurice's sharp intelligence and professional credentials had made it difficult for him to find the feeling of containment he craved. Donovan had seen Maurice push his limits for pain in any number of unhealthy, unhappy relationships.

Jay had changed that. From the first time they had played together, Jay seemed to understand what Maurice needed. To be mastered. To be loved for his sweet, submissive self, not for being the brightest and the best.

It had been a long time since Jay had had to assert his mastery in a physical way. Jay was wickedly clever, something Maurice appreciated. Maurice loved the clear rules Jay enforced, appreciated the subtle ways Jay asserted his claim on him. Pain had only ever been a way of getting to that safe place.

"He's not usually so stubborn," Jay said meditatively, breaking Maurice's abandoned dessert into little pieces with his fork.

"He's a great doctor. He cares about his patients and he expects them to trust him. He takes it personally when they don't. Your dad was the same way," Donovan said.

"You're right on all counts. Which is exactly why I keep on top of Maurice. I know how wound up he can get over something like this. Donovan, I know you like this kid, but--"

"He's not a kid, Jay. "

"The ones who never got to be kids never grow up either. You're a fool, Donovan. Why make life harder than it has to be?"

"Jay, I need you with me on this. Please." Donovan's dark eyes sought Jay's blue ones.

"Donovan, we've been friends thirty some years, of course I'm with you if you're determined to do this. But I still think you're still a fool."

"It wouldn't be the first time." Donovan rolled his shoulders, trying to relax them. "Loren's light enough for me to carry. Walk me down to my car, Jay?"

"Sure, Donovan. Otherwise I think the neighbors might wonder what you were doing with the body. I'm surprised no one called the cops." Jay's smile took the sting out of his words.

"Ouch, Jay, " Donovan laughed, then sobered quickly. "People don't like to get involved. That's why people like Pete get away with their crap."

"Saint Donovan," Jay said with mingled affection and derision. "Go on; take your brat home."

Loren remained quiet throughout the drive. Donovan had no difficulty getting him upstairs and into their bed. He stripped Loren efficiently, once again noticing the numerous old scars that marred the young body. Undressing himself, he stretched out alongside Loren and despite the stimulus of the slender body beside him, fell into soft and exhausted sleep.

Sometime during the night Loren roused just enough to register that he was home in their own bed. Safe. He snuggled into Donovan, taking comfort in his nearness.

Without waking, Donovan tightened his arm around Loren, tucking him close.

Morning came too soon for Loren's taste. Loren kept his eyes closed, feigning sleep. Despite his growing trust in Donovan, he was not eager to find out what the consequences for the previous night's meltdown would be. He cringed, remembering what he had screamed and how he had struggled.

Donovan heard the shift in breathing that indicated that his brat was awake. The slight, sudden hitch clued him in to the fact that Loren was scared.

"Easy, Loren," Donovan said quietly. "I know you're awake. I know you're afraid. I'm not going to punish you. That's a promise." He rolled Loren's tense form to face him.

"Can you open your eyes for me?" Donovan asked. He was happy when Loren complied.

Loren studied Donovan's face carefully. He didn't look angry or even upset.

"I'm not in trouble?" Loren asked, his eyes glued to Donovan's.

"You're not in trouble," Donovan confirmed. "Loren, what you had last night was a true panic attack. I won't punish you for that. Shh, what, now you're crying? Why, Loren?"

"You're too nice to me," Loren sniffled. "I'm going to screw this up, I know I am. No one was ever this nice to me. I'm scared, Donovan, I'm scared!"

Donovan eyed the clock; decided a little cuddling would not make him late. He eased Loren's head onto his chest. Stroked Loren's hair, rubbed his back.

"Fuck me, Donovan," Loren begged, his erection hard and obvious. "I'm not giving you anything. Why do you want me? Why won't you fuck me?"

Any arousal Donovan had begun to feel shriveled in the face of Loren's casual offer of his body in trade for security and affection. It was an exchange Donovan absolutely refused to make.

"Loren. I do want you. But I won't take you on these terms." Donovan tilted Loren's face up so that their eyes met. "Loren, I'm running late. We'll talk this through when I'm not so rushed, 'kay?" He kissed Loren gently.

"Up. Dress. Breakfast. Now."

"Yes, Donovan," Loren said, used to the routine. Donovan might not want to fuck him, he thought to himself. But he did want to feed him, and he did seem to like him. It just felt so strange. You didn't get something for nothing, and yet all Donovan seemed to want was his cooperative presence.

Loren poured two cups of coffee and brought them to the table. Making a face, he took the plate of toast and eggs Donovan proffered and began to eat. There was no point in arguing with Donovan. Breakfast was non-negotiable.

"Clear up the kitchen and sweep the floor, then you can play," Donovan said, depositing his dishes in the sink. "Don't leave the house. I'll see you around four. Let the machine pick up unless I call you." He tousled Loren's hair, kissed him lightly. "Be good."

Donovan taught his two morning classes, lost as always in the pleasure of sharing his craft with his students. At one o'clock he washed up and headed over to the faculty cafeteria. He had a standing lunch date with Maurice on the two days the doctor taught his anatomy class.

Maurice was already seated at their usual table, taking advantage of his brief downtime to return some calls. He closed his phone at Donovan's approach.

"What'd you get?" Maurice asked, squinting at Donovan's tray.

"Tomato soup. Quiche. Coke. Okay with you, doc?" Donovan sat down with a smile. "What about you?"

"Fish. Fries. Coleslaw. Or fish, potatoes, salad, if Jay asks," he added with a grin.

"I remember when Jay lived on burgers and fries and considered ketchup a vegetable." Donovan rolled his eyes. "Remind Jay of that next time he's being a pain. Listen, Maurice, I'm sorry about last night."

"It doesn't matter," Maurice said, trying to sound as if he meant it. Then, unable to resist, he continued. "Are you going to spank him at least?"

Donovan shook his head. No.

"Not for a panic attack, Maurie."

"He deserves to be punished. Jay would have punished him, Donovan."

"Jay would never have taken him on."

Maurice nodded, acknowledging the truth of Donovan's words. Jay had no patience for weakness. Subs whose needs fascinated and challenged Donovan bored and annoyed Jay.

"Loren needs gentle handling, Maurice, not punishment," Donovan sighed.

"Since you're such a sucker for hard luck cases, how about you treat me to dessert, Donovan?" Maurice suggested. "Your brat cost me mine last night."

Donovan chuckled.

"Will do. Tell Jay and I'll deny it."

"Do I look crazy?" Maurice asked.

Both men laughed heartily. Donovan returned to the food line and secured a hefty slice of chocolate cake and two mugs of coffee, one for himself and one for Maurice. Placed the cake in front of Maurice with a flourish.

Maurice toyed with his fork, his face serious.

"Donovan, if he's having chronic pain, he needs to see a doctor. It doesn't have to be me. I can give you a referral. Knowing Pete, though, I have a pretty good idea of what the problem might be."

"Thanks, Maurice. You know it's not personal, don't you?"

Maurice was silent a moment.

"Yeah," he said softly. "I do know, Donovan. It just...hurt. You probably don't know what I mean."

"I think I do. The first time he had cramps, I wanted to rub his stomach for him, to help him feel better. He accused me of just liking medical scenes. That was how he had understood the physical we did. I was shocked he'd seen it that way. I felt sick, like I'd used him, even though that was never my intent. It hurt."

"Yeah." Maurice was silent. "You do know. I'm sorry, Donovan, I shouldn't have challenged you."

"Don't worry about it, Maurice," Donovan said with a reassuring smile. "I'm fine with it. Jay knows you, huh?"

"Yeah. Tell him about the cake and I'm a dead man." Maurice polished off his dessert with relish. "Want to spring for another slice?"

Donovan gaped at Maurice for a second, then realized he was kidding.

Both men laughed loudly enough that heads turned toward them.

"I can try to find someone who is kink-aware for Loren, Donovan," Maurice said. "Although I'm still willing to look at him, if you want me to."

"I really appreciate that, Maurice, but I think it will be easier on all of us if someone else treats him. He's a tough patient. I don't want it to be you that he hurts."

Maurice nodded, accepting Donovan's decision.

"I'm concerned about Loren's cramps and lack of appetite, Donovan. I think it's more than just nerves. I'm damn sure Pete didn't have him seen by a doctor. Pete's idea of medical treatment is shoving antacids, laxatives and God knows what other shit into his subs. You need to find out what's going on with Loren, Donovan."

Not for the first time, Donovan was struck by Maurice's combination of sharp clinical judgment and genuine concern. Maurice's annoyance over Loren's behavior vanished before his anxiety over Loren's health.

"I'll do whatever you advise, Maurice."

"In that case, make an appointment with Jamie Gordon. Here's his number. He's a Top, he's familiar with the scene and he'll know how to approach Loren. Use my name. Don't wait on this, Donovan."

"I'll make the appointment today, and I'll keep you posted. Thank you, Maurice," Donovan said sincerely.

Loren was not pleased to hear that he had a doctor's appointment.

"Can't you just give me some medicine, Donovan?" Loren scowled. "I don't need some doctor fucking around with me."

"You can't take medicine until we find out what's causing your stomachaches," Donovan explained calmly.

"I don't want to go, Donovan!"

"I'm not asking you if you want to, Loren." Donovan's tone left no room for argument. "You've got a problem. You are going to the doctor."

"Good afternoon, gentlemen." Dr. Gordon stepped confidently into his waiting room. "Which one of you is Mr. Potter?"

Loren extended his hand tentatively.

Dr. Gordon noted Loren's tense posture and darting eyes unhappily. Everything about this new patient screamed abuse victim.

"Donovan Moore. Maurice Napier asked me to send his regards," Donovan said, laying aside his newspaper and rising to shake hands.

Dr. Gordon was reassured by Donovan's easy manner. Nothing about this Top said abuser.

"Would it help if I came in with Loren?" Donovan offered, knowing how frightened Loren was.

"He's a grown man. I want to see him alone," Dr. Gordon said firmly.

"He's your patient. It's your call," Donovan said mildly. He sat down and reached for his newspaper again.

Dr. Gordon relaxed, pleased with Donovan's cooperative response. Whoever had hurt Loren, it wasn't Donovan.

"Come with me please, Loren," Dr. Gordon said.

Loren followed Dr. Gordon nervously down the hallway.

"Go inside and get undressed please, Loren." Dr. Gordon gestured to an exam room.

"I don't want to do this!" Loren balked.

"Loren, take a few deep breaths." Dr. Gordon studied Loren's panic-stricken face. "Do you want Donovan with you, Loren?"

"Yes, sir," Loren begged. "Please?"

"Undress and put on the gown. Opening to the back. I'll get Donovan for you."

"Thank you, sir," Loren whispered, flashing Dr. Gordon a look of deep gratitude.

Closing the door behind him, Dr. Gordon returned to the waiting room.

"Donovan, I don't usually like Tops to come in, but your brat needs you to support him. However, I want one thing absolutely clear. There is to be no discipline in my office. Not even the lightest swat. These are my rules and they are not negotiable."

"Agreed," Donovan said respectfully. "I appreciate this."

Loren started as the door opened. Sagged against Donovan with a sigh of relief.

"Loren," Donovan said softly. "You're okay. This is a medical procedure. This is not a scene. Do you understand?"

Dr. Gordon grimaced at Loren's uncertain nod.

"Donovan is right, Loren. This is not a scene. This is a medical procedure. I am going to examine you to see why you are having so many stomachaches. Please sit up on the table now, Loren."

"No! No way, I'm not getting up there!"

"Shh, Loren, shh... I'm going to help you now," Donovan said gently.

Loren nodded mutely.

Donovan slid his hands under Loren's arms and seated him carefully on the table.

"Loren, I'm first going to check your ears and nose and then I'm going to look at your mouth and throat," Dr. Gordon explained.

Loren trembled as Dr. Gordon pressed the otoscope into his ears and nostrils.

"Open wide, stick out your tongue."

Loren followed Dr. Gordon's instructions without protest.

Dr. Gordon warmed his stethoscope in his hand, pressed it to Loren's chest.

Loren breathed as instructed while Dr. Gordon listened to his heart and lungs.

"Good. Loren, I need you to lie down now so that I can check your stomach."

"Stay with me!" Loren grabbed for Donovan's hand.

"I'm right here, Loren," Donovan said reassuringly.

Loren tensed as Dr. Gordon carefully palpated his abdomen. Winced as the doctor methodically worked his way over all four quadrants, his probing fingers finding the hard and tender spots.

"All right, Loren, I just need to do a quick internal exam. Roll over on your left side. Try and relax for me."

With a shiver, Loren obeyed. He caught his breath as the doctor pressed his gloved and lubricated finger inward, tried not to flinch away.

"Almost done, Loren," Donovan said softly.

Loren tightened his grip on Donovan's hand. He sighed with relief as Dr. Gordon withdrew.

"Very good. Loren, you can get dressed and then I'd like to see both of you in my office."

"You did good, Loren. I'm proud of you," Donovan said, handing Loren his clothing.

Donovan's compliments always surprised Loren. No one had ever found anything he did worth praising before. Loren's lips quirked upward in a sudden, grateful smile.

"Come in, gentlemen," Dr. Gordon said from behind his desk. "Take a seat."

Loren obeyed nervously. Donovan seated himself calmly.

"What I'm seeing is evidence of long-standing constipation. Loren, how often do you move your bowels?" Dr. Gordon asked.

Loren blushed miserably.

"Every day? Every other day? Twice or three times a week?"

"I don't know," Loren mumbled.

"Do you use a laxative regularly?" Dr. Gordon asked.

With an embarrassed glance at Donovan, Loren nodded. Yes.

Donovan looked unfazed by the conversation.

"Chemical laxatives may seem to help in the short term, but their use is part of the problem. Stop taking them entirely," Dr. Gordon said sternly. "This is a condition we can correct with a change in diet and a series of small enemas to get things moving normally again. You can do the enemas at home."

Dr. Gordon noted Loren's recalcitrant expression.

"Or I can do the enemas here."

"No! Donovan, no!"

"I don't think that will be necessary. We'll take care of it at home. Easy, Loren, it's all right." Donovan's voice was steady and sure.

"As you wish. Loren, you also need to increase your fiber intake. You can get psyllium at the pharmacy. Take it, mixed with juice, at breakfast." Dr. Gordon got to his feet.

"That's about it. Please call me in two days and let me know how you're doing. If you have any problems with the enema, let me know. Loren may not be able to tolerate it without a sedative, in which case I can do the procedure in my office."

Donovan and Dr. Gordon shook hands.

Loren nodded, his eyes on the floor. Followed Donovan docilely to their car. It was only once they were safely home that Loren broke.

"Fuck you, Donovan! Fuck you! You're not going to give me an enema, you're not! I hate you, Donovan, I hate you. Fuck you!"

"Shh, shh, shh," Donovan murmured, ignoring Loren's frantic curses. He gathered Loren in his arms, hugged him firmly. "It's all right, little one. I've got you now. You're safe."

Donovan held Loren for a long time, letting him rant without reproach.

"You just like medical scenes, Donovan!"

"It's not a scene, Loren. It's a medical procedure. Shh, shh..."

Patiently, he rubbed Loren's back as Loren began to cry again.

"Why do I have to?" Loren asked, his gray eyes red-ringed, his throat hoarse.

"Because it will help you feel better, Loren. "

"I hate enemas," Loren sniffled. His stomach tightened at the memory of painful cramps he'd endured.

Donovan sat quietly next to Loren, not arguing, not forcing, not rushing. Waiting.

Loren sighed deeply.

"I just want to get it over with. Help me, Donovan? I'm scared to do it myself."

"I'll always help you, little one." Donovan smoothed Loren's hair back from his sad face.

Loren lay tensely on his left side. He watched silently as Donovan took the small pre-filled syringe from its clear wrapper.

Donovan uncapped the syringe. He added lubricant generously to its already-lubricated tip. Very gently, he spread Loren's buttocks and dabbed more lubricant onto the small, tight anus.

Loren quivered at his touch.

"All right so far?" Donovan asked softly.

"Uh-huh." Loren's lips barely moved.

Donovan eased the narrow plastic nozzle into the tightly clamped passage as gently as he could. Rubbed the small of Loren's back, murmuring comfortingly.

Loren sniffled.

"Does it hurt or is it just scary, Loren?" Donovan wanted to know.

"'T'sokay," Loren whispered.

"Brave boy. You tell me if it hurts. I'll stop if it hurts," Donovan repeated. "Do you understand me, Loren?" He waited for Loren to nod before squeezing the fluid- filled bulb.

As Donovan had assured Loren, the enema itself didn't hurt. It did what it was supposed to.

Donovan was straightening up the bedcovers when Loren emerged from the bathroom, feeling lighter and more comfortable than he had in days.

"Thanks," Loren mumbled, flushing red and dropping his eyes.

"Loren." Donovan folded Loren into a firm hug. "I will always help you, whatever it is that you need. There's no need to be embarrassed. Come here now." He propelled Loren onto the bed, stretched himself out and drew Loren to him.

Loren tucked himself snugly against Donovan. Rested his head on Donovan's chest. Sniffled.

"Did you know I almost became a doctor, Loren?" Donovan asked softly.

Loren looked surprised.

"Yeah," Donovan chuckled at Loren's expression. "Jay's dad was our town doctor. Dr. Manz. He was a special man. I wanted to be like him."

"You would have been a good doctor," Loren said softly. "Gentle. Not like the motherfuckers I saw when I was a kid."

"My poor baby." Donovan stroked Loren's hair tenderly. "You want to tell me about it?"

"I wet my pants at daycare and the babysitter who got me dry clothes saw bruises. She took me to the hospital. I was scared to let the doctors touch me. They held me down. They hurt me."

"Was that the first time they put you in foster care?" Donovan asked quietly.

"You're a fucking genius, you figured it out, " Loren said nastily.

Donovan rubbed Loren's back gently, not reacting to Loren's rudeness.

"Yeah, well, it was a long time ago." Loren tried to pretend it didn't matter.

Donovan tugged Loren into his arms and hugged him tightly.

"I don't get it, Donovan," Loren said irritably. "I don't do anything for you. Why do you give a fuck about me?"

Donovan studied Loren's bemused expression carefully.

"Maybe I like you, Loren."

"You don't like me. You never fuck me." Loren shrugged. "I mean, you're gay, right? You like guys. You just don't want me."

"I want you plenty, Loren. But I want you for more than a quick fuck. I want you for keeps."

"Yeah, whatever." Loren said skeptically. "Nobody ever wants me for keeps, Donovan. You'll change your mind, too."

"You don't know me very well yet, Loren," Donovan said. "I don't expect you to believe me, but I'll tell you anyway. I'm not going to change my mind."

Loren wished he could believe Donovan. It would be nice to belong to Donovan...

Right, asshole. Like he needs a piece of white trash like you. Loren twisted away angrily.

"No, no, stop that now," Donovan scolded, tugging Loren back. "What's the matter? Talk to me, Loren."

"Let me go, Donovan," Loren said bitterly, stiffening against him. "You don't want me. I don't want you, either."

"Shh..." Donovan took Loren's jaw in one large, gentle hand, turned Loren's face toward him. Kissed Loren full on the lips. Probed gently with his tongue, coaxing Loren's mouth open. Widened his own mouth to Loren's tentative explorations.

"I want you, Loren."

"Yes, Donovan, yes," Loren sighed, arching into Donovan's embrace. "Oh, please..."

Donovan leaned into Loren, pressed Loren back onto the pillows. Threw his leg over Loren's, his hardness meeting Loren's in answering need.

"Yes yes yes," Loren chanted, his eyes wide and dark with arousal, his longing clear and obvious. "Oh please oh please oh please..."

Donovan traced his hand over Loren's stubbled cheek, down his neck. Stroked his palm over Loren's tee shirt, down the center of his chest, over the waistband of his boxers. Came to rest on the hard cock beneath the soft cotton.

"Aaaah..." Loren's head tipped back, his desire obvious.

Donovan's hands stroked Loren's torso, pushing his tee shirt higher to expose his smooth chest and peaking nipples.

Grasping the hem, Loren tugged his shirt over his head in one fluid motion.

"Beautiful," Donovan murmured. He circled his fingers over the small nubs, smiled as Loren arched higher. Leaned forward and kissed Loren again, opening his mouth insistently, at the same time insinuating his hand under the waistband of Loren's boxers and stroking the flat of his hand over the hot, silky shaft.

Donovan trailed his tongue over Loren's throat, down Loren's chest and belly, enjoying the salt taste of the fine sheen of sweat that coated his lover's body. He tugged Loren's boxers out of the way and ran his tongue along the underside of Loren's cock.


"Shit! Oh shit, that feels so good, oh shit, Donovan, please..." Loren was incoherent with arousal, his body trembling with need.

Donovan lapped the tender head of Loren's cock and then, tucking his lips over his teeth, took Loren's cock in his mouth and slowly worked his way down the hard shaft.

"Oh yes yes yes," Loren moaned. "More, Donovan, please..."

Donovan found an easy rhythm and concentrated on bringing Loren off. Enjoyed Loren's writhing, his small sounds of pleasure and arousal. His panting climax.

Grinning, Donovan let Loren's cum spill into his mouth, over his lips. Wiped his face against the rumpled sheet and stretching full length alongside Loren, pulled Loren into his arms. Kissed Loren long and lingeringly.

"Oh shit, Donovan, that was so good. Oh shit..." Loren was breathing hard.

"Worth the wait?" Donovan teased.

"So good," Loren whispered. "Never felt so good. Donovan, why? Why did you do that for me?"

"I wanted to." Donovan's shit-eating grin left no doubt of his sincerity. "Loren, you're gorgeous. You're delicious. I love you."

Donovan shifted Loren back onto the pillows. Swung himself upright, stripped off his shirt and jeans. Dropped his boxers. Stood naked before Loren.

Loren eyed Donovan's powerful musculature and stiff cock respectfully.

"Let me make you happy, Donovan." Loren rolled onto his stomach and widened his legs, clearly expecting Donovan to take him.

Donovan seated himself alongside Loren, laid a gentle hand on Loren's back. Parted his buttocks, stroked a gentle finger over his anus.

Loren winced involuntarily. Donovan frowned.

"Roll over, baby," Donovan coaxed, turning Loren back onto his back and reclining alongside him.

"Use your hand, Loren," Donovan said. "Just jerk me off, okay?"

"You sure that's all you want, Donovan? I'm really fine." Loren looked away.

"Liar." Donovan kissed Loren firmly. "You're too tender for anything else tonight. Do what I tell you, Loren."

Loren moistened his palm with his tongue. Stroked Donovan's cock, first tentatively, then harder, enjoying its heft. Tightened his fist around the thick shaft and worked it rhythmically, teasing his thumb over the head, using the clear precum as lubricant.

Donovan relaxed into the stimulation, enjoying the feel of Loren's hot, tight fist. He came hard, his cum shooting over Loren's hand, covering his own belly. Spilling onto the sheets.

Loren gently milked the last spurts of cum from Donovan before releasing him carefully.

"So good, Loren," Donovan sighed, tugging Loren into his arms and kissing him hard.

Loren rested his head on Donovan's chest. Listened to Donovan's racing heart.

I did that to him. The thought made Loren smile.

Donovan stroked Loren's face gently.

"I love you, Donovan," Loren whispered. "Did I make you happy?"

"I love you too, Loren," Donovan replied. "Very happy. Very, very happy."

Both men subsided into slack and satisfied sleep.

The morning light made the bedroom bright despite the closed blinds. As always, Donovan was the first awake.

Loren was curled against Donovan, one hand tangled in his chest hair. His legs sprawled loosely over Donovan's. Totally relaxed, totally at ease.

Donovan felt a stark, sweet stab of pleasure at the sight. My Loren. My own true love.

"Wake up, sleepy head," Donovan said gently. "I have to teach today. You need to come down for breakfast."

"Um..." Loren mumbled. "'kay, 'kay, I'm awake, Donovan. Sheesh," he complained, as Donovan ruffled his hair. "I'm awake!" He stretched luxuriously.

Satisfied that Loren was indeed getting up, Donovan used the bathroom and headed downstairs. Started the coffee, scrambled eggs, made toast. Laid the table. Measured a scoop of psyllium into a glass and put the glass and a container of orange juice at Loren's usual place.

"Morning, Donovan," Loren said, reaching for the coffee mugs and filling them. He brought them to the table. Put one at Donovan's place, one at his own.

"What's this shit?" Loren asked, shaking the glass of powder.

"Psyllium. Soluble fiber. Remember Dr. Gordon said you should take it with juice at breakfast?"

"Yuck. It looks gross," Loren said, pushing the glass aside.

"Loren. Fill the glass up with juice, stir it and drink it. It's not bad if you gulp it fast," Donovan advised.

Scowling, Loren filled the glass with orange juice. Gave it a tentative stir. Took a sip.

"Oh fuck, that's disgusting! I can't drink this shit! No way!" Loren protested vehemently.

Donovan sighed inwardly. Memories of their last night were still warm in his mind. He had so hoped not to have to struggle with Loren this morning.

"Come on, babe, it's not that bad. Just swallow it quickly," Donovan said mildly.

"No way! It's totally gross. I can't drink it. Forget it," Loren whined.

Donovan took a deep breath.

"Enough now, Loren. I know you don't like it. Drink it now, please."

"NO!" Loren hurled the glass at the wall. Sticky liquid coated the woodwork, as well as the front of a framed picture.

Donovan snatched the picture from its hook on the wall, dabbing desperately at it with a dishtowel.

"Loren, look at this mess! The drawing inside is wet. It's probably ruined. You know better than to throw things!"

"Fuck you, Donovan, I don't give a shit! What are you going to do, spank me?"

"I certainly am." Donovan took Loren's arm in a firm grip and ushered Loren into the living room. "You don't throw things. You don't curse at me. You follow our rules or I spank you."

"Okay! Okay!! Okay!!! I'm sorry, Donovan. You don't have to spank me.

I won't be bad anymore."

"You knew what to expect as soon as you made the decision to throw that glass, Loren."

"I didn't decide to throw it, it just happened. That shit tastes gross. It wasn't my fault!"

"That's enough, Loren." Donovan walked Loren over to his large chair. Seating himself, he tugged Loren face down across his lap.

"No, Donovan, no! I don't want to do this!" Loren tried to twist away.

Donovan trapped Loren's left arm under his own, grasped Loren's right wrist and pinned it to the small of his back. Used his right leg to stop Loren from kicking.

"You're hurting me! Let me go!" Loren tried again to get free.

"You're hurting yourself. Stop struggling!" Donovan swatted Loren's jean-clad bottom, hard.

"OW!" Loren yelped, outraged. He jerked against Donovan's restraining grip.

"That's enough! Stay still." Donovan delivered two more hard swats to his moving target.

Loren stiffened, then with a sigh, stopped struggling.

Donovan waited a moment before relaxing his hold. Reaching under Loren's hip, he undid Loren's fly. Tugged Loren's jeans and boxers to his knees.

"Tell me what this spanking is for, Loren," Donovan said calmly.

"I don't know," Loren said sulkily. "OW!"

"Don't play dumb, Loren." Donovan gave Loren's butt a second, slightly lighter swat. "I want an answer."

"Shit, you don't have to be so mean," Loren muttered. "I'm not allowed to throw things. I'm not allowed to curse at you. I won't do it again. You don't have to spank me. SHIT! OW!!"

Donovan spanked Loren hard, oblivious to his protests and promises.

Loren became less coherent and more remorseful as Donovan continued his measured application of stinging smacks. Loren was crying hard long before Donovan was through spanking him.

Donovan listened carefully as Loren's wails edged from protest to fury. From fury to resignation. From resignation to regret.

Loren cried sadly and sincerely as Donovan forced himself to complete a final circuit of swats.

"Shh, shh, we're all done now," Donovan said softly. "All over now. Shh..."

Eyes streaming, nose running, all dignity gone, Loren scrambled desperately into Donovan's lap. Buried his head against Donovan's chest and wept.

Donovan rubbed Loren's back reassuringly, wanting Loren to know he was safe, he was loved.

"Sorry sorry sorry," Loren gasped between sobs.

"I know, babe, I know. Everything's all right, Loren. Everything's fine."

It was a long time before Loren stopped crying.

"Blow." Donovan held a handful of tissues to Loren's nose. "That's better. Come in the kitchen now, Loren. Let's clean you up a bit."

Loren followed Donovan obediently.

"Sit down." As Donovan wrung out a dishtowel in cold water, Loren silently gave thanks for well-cushioned kitchen chairs. Donovan passed Loren the cool cloth and waited for Loren to wipe his sodden his face.

Donovan poured a tall glass of orange juice. Added a scoop of psyllium. Stirred it quickly.

"Drink it all, Loren."

Loren grimaced, but obeyed. Swallowed. Shuddered at the slimy feel of the viscous liquid.

"Yuck. It really is disgusting, Donovan."

"I hear you, Loren," Donovan said sympathetically. "You won't have to take it forever." He took the empty glass from Loren and put it in the sink.

The picture that had borne the brunt of Loren's temper lay forlornly on the kitchen counter. Donovan picked it up and sighed regretfully.

"I'm sorry," Loren said in a small voice. "Is it really ruined?"

"I don't know," Donovan said, seating himself across from Loren. Placing the picture in question face down on the table, Donovan slit the brown paper backing the frame with a kitchen knife. Used the knife's point as a makeshift lever to pry out the staples.

"Ah, that's too bad," Donovan said unhappily, removing the matte boards and picture from the frame. "It got wet. It's going to have a stain. And it was a nice drawing of Leo's, too." He looked sad.

"I could make you a copy," Loren offered diffidently.

"That's a very nice offer, Loren, and I know you mean well, but it's a lot harder to draw something this simple than it looks." Donovan chose his words carefully, not wanting Loren to feel patronized.

"No, really, I can," Loren insisted. "Just give me a sheet of paper and a soft pencil. Please, Donovan?" Loren sounded very sure of himself.

His curiosity piqued, Donovan left the room to get the requested supplies. Loren glanced at the damp drawing. Piece of cake. He smiled to himself. Donovan would be pleased.

Donovan watched with mounting astonishment and beginning unease as Loren turned the damaged drawing upside down and, seemingly effortlessly, drew a perfect free hand replica.

"You like it?" Loren looked eagerly at Donovan, hungry for approval.

Donovan turned the two drawings to face him. Studied them wordlessly; felt warning bells go off in his head.

"Donovan?" Loren's voice rose fretfully. He couldn't read Donovan's expression at all.

"It's a beautiful copy," Donovan said absently. "Tell me, Loren, how did you learn to do that?"

"It's just something I could always do. Donovan? What's wrong?" Loren asked anxiously.

"Everything's all right, babe." Donovan tried to hug Loren, but Loren stiffened at his touch.

"You're mad about something, Donovan."

"You just surprised me, Loren. Very, very few people can copy that way. It's a rare ability. "

"Pete thought it was sort of cool, too," Loren said proudly.

Of course he would, Donovan thought bitterly. That sonofabitch!

Loren sniffled at the sight of Donovan's scowl.

With a supreme effort, Donovan willed himself to focus on Loren. His brat was freshly spanked, feeling vulnerable, and in need of reassurance.

Donovan tipped Loren's head back and kissed him thoroughly. Smoothed his hair, stroked his cheek. Loren leaned into his caresses with a relieved smile. For a few minutes two men touched gently. Donovan broke off the embrace regretfully.

"I need to get to work. You can clean up the wall and the floor in here while I'm gone. It'll keep you out of mischief."

"I love you, Donovan," Loren said. "I promise I'll be good."



Thank you to my beta, Lorelei, for providing a safety net

and thank you to Dash, for making me think. EM